tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54305387560333643492024-03-13T23:15:05.382-07:00Discovering MotherhoodFoster care and adoption; toddlers to young adults; it's all here-- faith and humor meet as this mom of four chronicles the joy and heartbreak of motherhood. Annemarie Scobeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17852995783909862950noreply@blogger.comBlogger143125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5430538756033364349.post-29982409449916819182018-10-07T13:12:00.001-07:002018-10-07T13:12:35.672-07:00Is it the last time?
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<br />
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At a family event over the summer,
my nephew Alex, 14, sat down in his mom’s lap. He stayed there for just a
minute, looking like a stretched-out toddler version of himself, with his long,
skinny legs overlapping his mom’s, touching the floor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He smiled, gave her a quick hug, and ran off to
hang with his cousins. And watching the moment, I wondered if I was a witness
to the final time of lap-sitting for a boy and his mom. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>When my
children were young, all the “firsts” were so important. From first bites of
solid food (mashed bananas) to first steps and first lost teeth, every
milestone was met with fanfare and the recognition that the child was moving
onto something new. As my children have gotten older, I recognize that the
“lasts” are significant too, but the problem is, we don’t know when the “lasts”
happen until they have been gone for a while. None of my children sit on my lap
anymore, but I couldn’t tell you exactly when was the last time for any of
them. I suspect Jacob and Liam lost their lap time earlier, in deference to
their two little sisters. And Jamilet, now 15, was always on the go and eager
to catch up with her older siblings, so she likely climbed off for the final
time somewhere around third or fourth grade, but I can’t be sure. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>When was
the last time Liam pushed a car on the floor, making a drooly “rrrrrr” sound as
he drove it across the rug? What was his final Lego creation, before he put the
blocks away for good? When did Jacob choose to relegate his bear, Colors, to a
basement closet, rather than the space next to him, in his bed? Liam is in
college; Jacob is out of college—for them, these events happened a lifetime
ago; the dates and times these chapters closed don’t matter. My sons are
looking forward—ahead to the first apartment, the first real job. When they
were little, though, I didn’t know a chapter was closing, and now I carry a
touch of sadness. Looking through a family photo album, I saw Teenasia, age 6,
dressed up in a fuzzy dragon costume. She used to wear that costume around the
house all the time, not just for Halloween. And then she stopped. I’m not sure
when that was, or why. But I wish I could give her a hug in her final day as a
green dragon and thank her for the extreme cuteness of that period. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>My interest
in these “lasts” of my children have made me think of my own “lasts” that I
didn’t know about at the time. I was a teacher in my 20s, and when I said goodbye
to my class of seventh graders, I thought I was just taking some time off for
maternity leave. I ended up finding a new profession after having Liam, and
never went back to teaching. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
constant movement of life means we have many “lasts.” Sometimes we are aware of
them—like when Bill and I recently said goodbye to a dear family friend as he
was dying, but more often we are not. Seasons of life, like actual seasons,
change gradually. We see the leaves changing color in autumn, we notice them
falling, but rarely notice the final leaf. And maybe this is by design. Perhaps
our brains protect us as they prevent our awareness of the thousands of “lasts”
that join with the thousands of “firsts” to make up a child’s first 18 years. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Amid the loads of laundry, the
projects at work, the supervision of homework and the constant shuttling
between home, school and practice, parenting does not allow for much reflection
time. We are so deep into the demands of the present that a perspective of the
moment’s significance can be forced out of reach. And that can be a blessing,
because if I knew it was Liam’s final Lego tower, I probably would have burst
into tears, and that would not have served young Liam well at all. I may not
have let go of my tiny dragon girl—and she needed me to let go, so she could
get on with her childhood. I may have asked Jacob to harbor Colors for another
night or forced Jamilet into one more storybook on my lap. Our obliviousness to
the “lasts” is what allows our children to grow up. They change gradually, and
we unknowingly support them, by not stopping their transformative moments. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Yes, we notice later. Later, we glimpse
what is missing; a habit or an action that has been replaced. Our children grow
outside of our line of sight, without our permission. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
For this, I am thankful. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Annemarie Scobeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17852995783909862950noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5430538756033364349.post-5126283012108700802018-03-11T13:09:00.000-07:002018-10-07T13:09:58.377-07:00Trauma-informed care: Transformative love
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<br />
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>This past spring, Oprah Winfrey
discussed childhood trauma and trauma-informed care on <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">60 Minutes.</i> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="color: #202022; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 200%;">“If
you don’t fix the hole in the soul, the thing that is where the wounds started,
you’re working at the wrong thing,” Oprah said in an interview with CBS This Morning,
before the airing of the program. A five-part <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Milwaukee Journal Sentinel</i> series on the epidemic of childhood
trauma informed Oprah’s understanding. The series explored how the myriad of
social problems facing Milwaukee—from unemployment to substance abuse to crime—
all have their roots in unresolved trauma. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="background: #FAFAFA; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“The story was life-changing for me,” Winfrey
said to CBS. “It is my hope that our story on trauma-informed care will
not just be impactful but will also be revolutionary. It certainly has caused a
revolution in my own life.” </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-themecolor: text1;">It was about seven years
ago that I first heard the term “trauma-informed care” applied to parenting
foster or adoptive children who had survived neglect or abuse. I was on a walk
with a friend who had three adopted children just a bit older than my two
younger children, both adopted from foster care.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My friend had recently learned the trauma-informed
approach from her oldest child’s therapist. As she spoke, I remember feeling
like everything within me tilted toward clarity. </span><span style="color: #202022; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 200%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 11.25pt; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-themecolor: text1;">“Trauma-informed care is
when you look at difficult behavior through a different lens,” she said. “It’s
an internal perspective change on the part of the parent or teacher. Instead of
thinking, ‘What’s wrong with you,’ you ask, ‘What’s happened to you?’” </span><span style="color: #202022; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt; line-height: 200%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>As we talked, my friend sprinkled
bits of neuroscience over practical pieces of parenting advice. She explained
that when</span><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"> a young child is in an unsafe situation, under extreme
stress, the immune system and body’s stress response systems may not develop
normally. “So even later, when a child is placed with a safe family or in a
safe classroom, under ordinary levels of stress, their systems may
automatically respond as if he or she is still under extreme stress,” she said.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">While a child’s
rush of adrenaline, pounding heart and fight, flight or freeze response are all
life-preserving ways to face actual threats to safety, in the context of the
normal stress of everyday life, this child will be perceived by others to be
over-reactive, unresponsive or detached. Parents, teachers and coaches using
techniques that may work well on non-traumatized children unwittingly trigger
children of trauma, and what would normally be a simple moment of correction
can escalate into a major behavioral incident as child’s fear response is
triggered. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>At the heart of the approach is definitive research
showing that adverse childhood experiences (ACES) such as parental mental
health issues; parental separation or divorce; physical, emotional and sexual
abuse; parental substance abuse and parental distance cause physiological
changes in the brain and the body.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The ACE Study found that the more types of childhood
adversity a person experienced – the higher their risk of chronic disease,
mental illness, violence, being a victim of violence and other consequences. On
a scale of 10, just one out of three of us have an ACE score of zero, a
childhood free of significant heartache. Twenty-six percent of people have one
adverse childhood experience; 15% have two; and 22% have three or more. In
neighborhoods with high levels of violence and crime, many children have an ACE
score of seven or higher. Having an ACE score of four doubles the risk of heart
disease and cancer. It increases the likelihood of becoming an alcoholic by 700
percent and risk of having serious difficulty performing a job by more than 300
percent. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But
the grim statistics are not without hope. Trauma has been part of the human
condition since the beginning, and so have compassionate relationships—now
proven to be the best healer of trauma. This healing approach to pain is not
new; what is new is the language and research around it; techniques and data
that allow more people to have visibility into what is required to fix the hole
in the soul Oprah referenced. When researchers study people who have both high
ACES scores and high levels of resilience, they find that these trauma survivors
often have a story of a person who connected with them with understanding and
compassion. It is this authentic compassion, over time, that provides healing. The
research shows also that those who come in contact with vulnerable population
groups can be trained to be compassionate responders. Homes, schools, youth
programs, correctional facilities, and workforce training programs can be
re-organized around trauma informed principles such as emotional safety,
trustworthiness, collaboration and empowerment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>For
Christians, a trauma-informed response especially holds resonance. We can look to
the Gospel to see how Jesus approached those around him. Trauma-informed care
is all about healing through love. It’s the story of the prodigal son-- <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the father who welcomes his son even after
poor decisions and separation. It’s the trauma-informed shepherd going after
the lost sheep. It is Jesus first weeping, and then bringing Lazarus back from
the dead. It is Jesus choosing not to chastise the woman at the well; and
choosing to heal the ear of the soldier in the garden of Gethsemane. To be
trauma-informed is to have the compassion of Jesus on the cross telling the repentant
thief hanging next to him that before the day’s end, he’ll be with him in
paradise. For caregivers, always at risk for compassion fatigue, we have the
example of Jesus going off by himself to the mountain or the desert, to pray
and regroup—and important tenant for gathering strength and patience. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Science has caught up with us,
has determined a method to measure the power of hurt, but also of the power of love.
Science has named our love “trauma-informed care.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Now we are called to go forth,
to heal. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Annemarie Scobeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17852995783909862950noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5430538756033364349.post-28663264895507267122017-04-11T13:05:00.000-07:002018-10-07T13:06:19.738-07:00Family Vacations: Opportunities for connection and God’s grace<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>My
friend, Andrea Lemke-Rochon, is the youngest of five sisters whose ages span 17
years. This past spring, for the first time since she was an infant, Andrea
spent a week with them—the five were invited by their aunt to be guests at her
timeshare in the Bahamas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While the
setting was gorgeous and the weather was perfect, what was most significant for
Andrea was the uninterrupted time the five had together. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“We
all agreed to unplug for the week, so we wouldn’t have distractions,” Andrea
said. “We had no phones; we ate together; we sat on the beach and looked at the
water; we spent time with each other. It was lovely.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>While
ads for vacation destinations may lead us to believe that the perfect vacation
is all about choosing the right place, the truth is that the value of a
vacation has less to do with the sights we see and more to do with the people
we see those sights with. The root “vac” in “vacation” means “to empty.” At its
core, a vacation is an opportunity for us to empty ourselves of our regular
responsibilities. In their absence, we can better be present to those who we
are vacationing with. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
A vacation, done
well, gives us the time and the space to connect more deeply with each
other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That connection can be completely
non-verbal—a shared experience of jumping in the waves or flying down a
rollercoaster drop. It can include learning something together—a history tour
or museum visit. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And a good vacation doesn’t
have to be one hundred percent cheerful fun; it can include an afternoon for an
important, but difficult conversation. In planning a vacation, a more important
question than “Where do we want to go?” is “How will we connect with each other?”
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Connecting with Immediate Family: <o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></b>Soheil and Lisa,
Badran, parents of three daughters, have noticed that their vacation stories hold
a more solid place in family lore than other memories. “Whether it’s collecting
sand dollars on the beach or finding that ice cream shop on a hot day, it’s the
memories from vacations that always come up during family dinners,” Soheil
said. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Again,
the idea of “emptying” plays its part in family vacation. As much as parents
may need to escape work, kids need a break from the pressures of school, extra-curriculars
and friendship drama. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“<span style="background: white; color: #222222; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We went to a dude ranch in the middle of
Colorado last summer,” said Emma Gillette, mother of three grade school kids.
“No internet, no WiFi, no TV, no screens at all. It was amazing – it was a real
‘reset button’ for our family, and has made me reconsider what kind
of vacations we'll take going forward.”</span> <span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">The Power of Extended Family: <o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
advent of transportation and technology has led to more families scattering,
with grandparents, aunts and uncles not as involved in a child’s day-to-day
life. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Vacationing with extended family
gives children the opportunity to become close to those they don’t see
regularly. My uncle Mark, a father of five adult children, settled with his
family in Nebraska in the 1970s, having grown up in Chicago and Milwaukee. Each
summer, when I was young, the Scobey side of the family would get together at a
reunion picnic in Chicago, at my aunt and uncle’s home on Crescent Lake, near
Rhinelander, or at our family’s home in Whitefish Bay — this was the only time
I saw my Nebraska cousins. “Through these trips, our kids gained an <span style="background: white; color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">understanding the people who shaped my life over
the years,” Uncle Mark explained. “It was a chance for them to see physical
differences and similarities of relatives, and how locations where their
relatives lived were similar to or different from their own home.”</span><span style="background: #F6F7F9; color: #1d2129; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="background: white; color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Connecting with God’s Grace<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It is easier
to feel the grace of God when we are present to the moment. For Andrea, who
took the trip to the Bahamas with sisters, a moment of God’s grace was found in
a jewelry shop with her oldest sister, Kathy, who had recently lost her
husband. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“It would
have been Kathy and Ray’s fiftieth anniversary this year, and Kathy wanted to
find a piece of jewelry to commemorate that,” Andrea said. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Kathy and Ray had spent their married life in the
town of Aurora, Wisconsin, named after the Aurora Borealis, also known as the
Northern Lights. “As Kathy browsed in the little jewelry shop, she found a
beautiful ring and noticed that the line of jewelry was called Aurora Borealis,
because the stones in the line had the same colors as the Northern lights. We
just stood in the jewelry shop and cried together. God was in that moment.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>As the first
whiffs of warm weather hit, and Bill and I look toward the summer and plan time
with our family, the wisdom of all these stories of the good vacations stay
with us, reminding us we don’t need an exotic location or luxury accommodations.
What we need is simply time away. Time for our family to “vacate” — to empty
ourselves, so as to refill with love. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Annemarie Scobeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17852995783909862950noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5430538756033364349.post-77959724760642105992017-03-15T11:37:00.000-07:002018-10-07T13:04:08.771-07:00What's your ACE score?
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Jesus’
ministry could be boiled down to two elements— teaching people <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">to love each other, and healing the sick through
the love of God. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Two
thousand years later, science has caught up with Jesus. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">In 1998,
a seminal study by the Center for Disease Control established a strong causal
connection between a lack of properly executed love from caregivers during
childhood, and incidences of serious illness later in life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">The
Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) study, published in the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Journal of Preventative Medicine,</i> was
conducted by giving a questionnaire about adverse childhood experiences to 17,000
mostly white, middle to upper-middle class people in San Diego. </span><span style="background: #FAFAFA; color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Various categories of
adverse childhood experiences were studied: physical, sexual or psychological
abuse; violence against the mother in the home; and living with household
members who were substance abusers, mentally ill, suicidal, or ever imprisoned.
Researchers found that more than half the respondents to the questionnaire had
at least one childhood exposure to one of these seriously adverse experiences,
and one-fourth reported two or more. When they studied the health of
participants, they found that participants with higher ACEs scores had
correspondingly higher incidences of chronic autoimmune illnesses, liver
disease, alcoholism and depression. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="background: #FAFAFA; color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Subsequent studies on
adverse childhood experiences have corroborated the findings, showing that in
addition, a higher ACEs score correlates to higher incidences of obesity,
diabetes, stroke, some types of cancers and some types of heart disease. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">One a scale of one to ten, where each adverse
childhood experience equals one point, having an ACEs score of four or more
increases the risk of emphysema or chronic bronchitis by nearly 400 percent and
suicide by 1200 percent. P<span style="background: white;">eople with an ACEs
score of six or higher are at risk for an average 20-year shortened lifespan. Higher
ACEs scores also correspond with social problems -- <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>higher rates of drug use, teen pregnancy,
smoking, being a victim of rape and perpetuating domestic violence. Children
with high ACEs scores are prone to rage and outbursts in school, often have
trouble paying attention, get lower grades and are more likely to fail a grade
and drop out. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Brain research is
demonstrating what Jesus understood when he gave us the command to love-- that
the experience of trauma (of being hurt, rather than loved) has a physical
effect on the body. When children are traumatized, their bodies respond in a
physical way, even into adulthood. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Prolonged
activation of the stress response systems disrupts the development of brain
architecture and other organ systems, and increases the risk for both physical
and mental illness. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<h2 style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">With only a third of the US population having
an ACEs score of zero, indicating no significant trauma, we can begin to
understand that much of society’s troubles may have its roots in unhealed
childhood trauma. Most people, regardless of ethnicity, religion or
socio-economic status, carry an invisible cross of at least one or two
significantly painful parts to their childhood. And 13% of people walk around
with the toxic stress caused by four or more adverse childhood experiences. <o:p></o:p></span></h2>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>We
are just 19 years out from the publication of the ACEs study—in the world of
science, 19 years is a short time. It’s barely enough time to get the word out about
the study’s results. But in the past 19 years, in response to the ACEs study,
research has emerged on resilience. Children who have experienced adversity in
childhood but who go on to develop resilience have better outcomes. How do we
build resilience? The research points to one-on-one connections. When a person
with a high ACEs score has a relationship with someone who offers him or her
understanding and compassion, a bit of resilience is born. Those people with
high ACEs scores whose parents struggle but who are fortunate enough to have strong
one-on-one connections with teachers, healthy friends, relatives, coaches,
mentors or pastors, fare the best. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Jesus’
ministry of healing was all about one-on-one connections based on understanding
and compassion. He sat with people; he touched them; he reacted with compassion
and love for them. He even wept with love. And then he healed them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>We
are offered the same opportunity as Jesus to be healers. During our day,
everyone we encounter (including ourselves) has an ACEs score ranging from 0 to
10 —everyone has a story of childhood. Every interaction we have with another
is an opportunity to build that person’s resilience. Every action that includes
understanding and a belief in the good of another can bring about healing. And
that goes for showing compassion and understanding toward ourselves, as well.
Those who have high ACEs scores, but who learn self-compassion, also build
resilience. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Those
around us who we find most challenging to love may have a reason for being so
prickly-- childhood trauma can wrap itself in anger, as a form of protection. And
when offered healing and compassion, these hurting folks may not find the
wherewithal to respond with gratitude. When Jesus healed the 10 lepers, only
one came back to say thanks. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>In
the next decade, public health practices may shift in response to the ACEs
study and what it predicts. Further study may crystalize best practices and
techniques for doctors, mental health professionals, teachers and those in
social service. We, as a society, may learn ways to foster large-scale
resilience development; we may even discover opportunities to reach families early
to lower ACEs scores from the beginning. But even as this happens, true
resilience will still be built one person at a time, in moments when that
person feels understood, loved and recognized. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>For
us, as followers of Christ, the ACEs study and the follow-up research on resilience
intensifies what we already know. Our call has always been to love and to heal.
And now we have the data to prove why it’s important. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Annemarie Scobeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17852995783909862950noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5430538756033364349.post-23187924510307860792017-02-11T11:36:00.000-08:002018-10-07T11:37:08.959-07:00Pro-life bumper stickers make me uncomfortable
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
Pro-life bumper stickers make me
uncomfortable. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>They
don’t make me uncomfortable because I’m pro-abortion. I agree with the Church’s
teachings on the sanctity of life at every stage. I do not believe in the death
penalty; don’t believe in euthanasia and rarely think that war is the only
answer to an international problem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Rather, my discomfort with some aspects of the pro-life movement in general,
and the Catholic piece of it in particular, arises from my perspective as a
foster and adoptive parent. I see too little of a connection between the
pro-life movement and the foster and adoptive community. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Each
year, in Milwaukee, the city in which our family lives, there are between two
and three thousand children who need placement outside of their homes because
of allegations of neglect or abuse by their parents. Each year there are about
900 active, licensed foster homes in Milwaukee able to receive those children.
The rest of the foster children are placed with unlicensed relatives or in
group homes. In all medium to large cities with substantial populations of
children in foster care, many the families who step forward to foster are too
often marginal themselves, and without the necessary resources to meet the
needs of the foster children placed with them. Children then are moved from
home to home as foster parents find they cannot handle the behavioral issues of
the traumatized child. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Heathy,
financially stable families who would be able to provide a safe home for foster
children often look at the emotional complexity of the task and decide that
they are not able to commit to the undertaking. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>While
I understand that not every Catholic family is called to foster or adopt, a
Catholic pro-life identity must include a highly visible commitment to those
children who were not initially aborted, but whose current life of neglect and
abuse leaves them vulnerable and at risk. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
pro-life voice is well-known in the Catholic community. Some Catholics vote
according to this issue, singularly. But what if we could become equally
well-known for our commitment to providing safe families for foster children? What
if the Catholic pro-life community would become conversant in trauma-informed
care so as to better minister to young victims of abuse and neglect? If
alongside their work to change legislation regarding abortion, pro-life groups
would work within the foster care arena, the movement would gain necessary
credibility. A commitment to foster care, when put next to a commitment to end
abortion, demonstrates an understanding of the complexity of the abortion
question. It underlines our Catholic teaching of the sanctity of life— life
threatened within the womb, but also facing just as serious danger outside the
mother’s body. At a recent Catholic conference I attended in Chicago, there
were four booths dedicated to the anti-abortion aspect of the pro-life
movement. Yet, I didn’t see even one booth—or even one small part of a pro-life
booth— dedicated to recruiting new foster parents. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Although
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Adoption, not abortion!</i> makes a
catchy bumper sticker slogan, the issue of adopting would-be aborted children
is not as simple as it might appear. Of the more than a hundred thousand
children currently awaiting adoption in the U.S., almost half are African
American, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Of
this group, severely disabled children and black boys must wait the longest for
adoption. At the same time, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention’s
statistics show that more than a third of the U.S. women each year who choose
abortion are black. When we, as church, tell these women to put their children
up for adoption, do we back up our words by pointing to families open to
adopting black children? Right now, the answer is no — there is a shortage of
parents willing to adopt African American children, and our words are
hollow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
recognize that some pro-life activists might bristle at the idea that they are
not doing enough for children. Many of these people give tremendous amounts of
time and energy trying to prevent the tragedy of abortion and the emotional
fallout it causes for women. I am not suggesting that they stop. But I am
suggesting that we, as Catholics, begin to look at the issue of abortion in a
less simplistic way. I’m suggesting that we open our arms even wider—that we
challenge each other to create a line of households ready and waiting to accept
unwanted, abused or neglected children. I am suggesting a movement that
includes within the pro-life community families who have fostered and adopted
and who walk the difficult road toward healing and wholeness with their
children. I’m suggesting that our pro-life activists work as hard on
legislation protecting foster children and preventing further abuse as they do
on legislation surrounding abortion. And when we do this, when the word
“Catholic” is linked with foster care just as surely as it is with “pro-life,”
then we will be able to hold our heads high when we tell others to “Choose
life.” Because others will have our assurance that life will be protected, once
it is chosen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Annemarie Scobeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17852995783909862950noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5430538756033364349.post-7132853506162778992017-01-07T11:33:00.000-08:002018-10-07T11:34:28.511-07:00In the silence, Humility
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
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<br />
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">I
was standing in the middle of a small frozen lake near our house on New Year’s
Day, chatting with my husband and Nate, another father in our neighborhood. I
was in ice skates and a down coat; Bill and Nate had on heavy boots and warm
gear. The ice was about 8 inches thick, from a recent cold snap, and the wind
was brisk from the north. As we exchanged stories <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>about the holidays, I noticed our daughter
Teenasia, 15, walking out onto the ice in socks and sandals. From the other
shore, Nate’s teenage son approached in basketball shorts and bare legs. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“What have we done wrong, Nate?” I asked, indicating our
respective kids. “Sandals and shorts on the ice? All those years of bundling
them up to go out in the cold, then they get dressed on their own like this?” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Nate laughed and told me he didn’t see their poor
decision-making as a reflection of our parenting. “You have to look at the
whole picture, not just this moment,” he said. He pointed out that my boys were
in college and quite possibly on their way to gainful employment. I acknowledged
that perhaps that was true but both still routinely forgot to put dishes in the
dishwasher after their late night snacks on winter break. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Nate gave other examples of our children’s successes that indicated
good parenting. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Preach it,” Bill said. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“We had a rough morning.” I explained to Nate an argument we
had with one of the kids, and added that I wasn’t sure if Bill and I handled
the situation correctly. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Parenting is like any other job,” Nate said. “There are two
types of people doing it. Those who are humble, and those who are about to
become humble.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>As Teenasia slid around the ice in her sandals, chased by
Xavier, in his basketball shorts, I refrained from either commenting or giving
direction. Eventually, the cold air did my parenting for me, and both kids went
inside, Teenasia coming back out in hockey skates, and Xavier in long pants. <span style="mso-tab-count: 5;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Nate’s
comment about humility has stayed with me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Early parenting is all about a parent’s decisions. Whether a
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parent. Even deeper into grade school, a parent makes decisions about what a
child will be eating; what they’re allowed to watch on TV; how they will spend
their time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But later in middle school and in early high school, parents
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decisions and mistakes, and providing enough guidance to prevent disaster. The
balance is complicated for families with more than one child. A friend has a
daughter who, at 11, was more responsible than most 30-year-olds; that same
friend’s son is an eccentric genius who requires firm boundaries and limits to keep
on course. My friend has to constantly weigh when it’s appropriate to rein her
son in, and when she is in danger of breaking his spirit. Sometimes she judges
right; sometimes she’s wrong. Humbling. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am learning that in
parenting adolescents and college-aged kids, one of the best ways that my
humility can be manifested is through silence. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I’m naturally a talker, and as soon as I see an issue, I
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solved. A more easy-going (or less talkative) mother probably would not have
had difficulty watching her daughter on the ice in sandals and basketball
socks. But for me, to see this and not call out the solution, “Teenasia, honey,
go inside and put on some boots,” was actually a challenge. Yet, in my silence
of no more than 15 minutes, Teenasia was able to solve her own problem, which
clearly was not even a problem to her, just a footwear decision. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>For me, humility in parenting is recognizing that every
solution does not need to be immediate. Every idea I have for my children
(excellent as I believe these ideas might be) does not need to be verbalized as
soon as the thought occurs. There is wisdom in waiting for the right time—
whether it’s to give advice, ask a big question or bring up a habit that I’m
hoping the child will change. I’m finding that when I lengthen the pause
between a child’s behavior and my reaction to it, I give both my child and
myself the gift of perspective. In the pause, I can offer a prayer to the Holy
Spirit for wisdom; I can go to my husband or a friend for advice; I can give my
child the opportunity to come to a solution on his or her own. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Perhaps
most importantly, in the silent pause, I can have the humility to see that
sometimes <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>my most important job of
parent is to be a witness and a support, rather than a judge or coach. My job
as a parent now is often to watch and wait. It’s humbling.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Annemarie Scobeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17852995783909862950noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5430538756033364349.post-84858595774692056272016-11-09T11:32:00.000-08:002018-10-07T11:35:29.191-07:00Dominican High School, doing diversity well<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="line number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="page number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
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Dominican High School, where both of my sons graduated, and
where my daughter Teenasia is now a freshman, is a microcosm of both Milwaukee
and the nation. The population of the school is a little more than half white,
with our minority population made up of African American, Latino and Asian
students, including a dozen or so students from China. The socio-economic
status of families vary from struggling to well off. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>One week
after the presidential election, Dominican held its monthly parent association
meeting. Each meeting has a focus—study skills; drug and alcohol prevention;
state of the school. This meeting’s focus was school programs supporting diversity
and inclusion. The administration and parent diversity committee leaders were
on deck to speak. With racial, ethnic and gender issues forefront since Trump’s
election, the timing of the meeting felt appropriate—our nation was talking
about diversity, it made sense that our school community should be doing the
same. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I walked into the meeting, I was a little
afraid — not because I thought parents would rant regarding their political
differences, but because I feared the opposite. I was afraid that in a national
climate charged with tension around issues of race, gender, religion and
policy, our diverse Dominican parents would play it too polite, sidestepping the
issue so as to have a tidy and uneventful meeting. I was afraid that we wouldn’t
dare to dive under the surface of diversity, where life is nuanced and
complicated. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I had
nothing to fear. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The meeting
was amazing and left me wishing it could have been televised and shown to U.S. citizens
everywhere as an example of what dialog and understanding look like. Unlike the
echo-chambers of social media discussion, where people of only one viewpoint
share similar experiences and beliefs, our meeting included parents who voted
for Trump and parents who voted for Clinton; we were male and female; black,
white and Latino. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Dominican
administration led with comments on school initiatives aimed at fostering a
healthy atmosphere of inclusion. The principal acknowledged that Dominican’s
almost all-white faculty did not mirror the diversity of the student body, and hiring
challenges were exacerbated by a shrinking pool of teachers of color. Responding
to suggestions from several parents last spring, the school began a course of
diversity training for teachers. The principal turned the meeting over to the
trainer, an African American past-parent and Dominican board member, who
presented information about the content and goals of the training. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>When she
finished, a white mom’s hand went up. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“When I
walk through the school, I see kids from all backgrounds getting along,” she
said. “My son has an eclectic group of friends. Are there problems here I’m not
aware of?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It was the
question that defined the evening. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Both the school principal, who is
white, and the leader of the parent diversity committee, who is African
American, assured the group that Dominican’s diversity initiatives—teacher training;
parent diversity committee; student diversity committee; multicultural club; black
heritage club— were not reactive to specific incidents or major problems, but
were part of an ongoing effort to recognize the challenges inherent to a
diverse community and equip members of that community with tools be successful.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The white
mother nodded, but still looked a bit puzzled, as if she wanted to understand
the inherent challenges, but didn’t. An African American father of a junior
jumped in.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“My son loves Dominican,” he said.
“He’s friends with kids from a variety of backgrounds. But he still has to work
hard to assimilate—he’s still a minority. And that’s the value of the black
heritage club— he can be comfortable and better able to reach out to other
buddies who might be white or Latino who aren’t part of that club—either to
invite them in, so they can learn something, or to just introduce them to his
friends from the club.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I watched
the mom who had initially asked the question listening and saw her move from
confusion to understanding. The father’s explanation about working to fit in resonated.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>From there
the conversation moved to other challenges. An African American mother spoke of
her son’s experience as the only minority in an advanced placement class, and
her own reflection of walking the line between high expectations and too much
pressure. A white mom asked how progress in diversity could be measured—how
would we know if our initiatives were making a difference? A Latina mom told of
her daughter’s sadness in response to flippancy from some white students as to
just how grave the immigration situation could become for friends and family of
Latino students. The mother blinked back tears. In response to her comments,
the diversity trainer took a moment to discuss the difference between intent
versus impact and how it’s not enough to say “I didn’t mean to…” Impact of
comments or actions trumps intent. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The principal
noted that assemblies for each class the next day would address sensitivity to
the election’s impact. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
As the conversation continued, the
mood was serious and thoughtful. No one interrupted, and no one took the floor
to promote an agenda. In talking about missteps of some students, the school
president commented that while hateful words or actions would always be subject
to strong disciplinary proceedings, the school also took the position that
teenagers, by the nature of their youth, would make mistakes in all arenas,
including diversity, and it was up to the school and parents to educate and
guide students in the correct direction. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>After going
an hour overtime, the meeting closed amid comments that we should all get
together in a social setting, not just at a meeting. We walked to our cars,
chatting in pairs or in small groups. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I arrived
home. I didn’t turn on the TV. I didn’t log into Facebook. The emotion and
issues raised at the meeting clung to my heart. My responsibility, and indeed
the responsibility of all of Dominican was made clear. We still had much work
to do—as a school and as a nation. But the meeting gave me such hope that
Dominican parents were up for the challenge, ready for the work. Indeed, the
conversation itself was part of that work. For in order to move forward, we
have to first listen. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br />
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Annemarie Scobeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17852995783909862950noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5430538756033364349.post-30086607921897133192016-10-07T11:32:00.000-07:002018-10-07T11:34:53.089-07:00Strong marriages, perspectives from others <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
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<br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When
our kids were all under eight, Bill talked me into allowing him to do worm
composting in our basement. He sold me on the environmental benefits of the
process and said it would also be educational for the kids to bring our table
waste to the basement and see what an important job worms do creating rich
soil. On the day that he came home with five-foot trays filled with dirt and
hundreds of small, red round worms, I was less than enthusiastic and wished I had
not agreed to it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“This was not in the vows,” I said. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Hey, I wasn’t the one who married
me,” Bill said. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>He was right. One of the things that
I loved about Bill when we were dating was his commitment to the environment.
He had Ansel Adams photos of national parks all over his apartment; he rode his
bike to work; he toted a reusable lunch container to work. While we were
dating, I might not have been able to see worm composting as part of our future
together, but I had certainly known that a commitment to the environment was
part of who Bill was. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“I wasn’t the one who married me,”
has become a recurring line in our marriage. We use it to gently remind a
spouse struggling with a habit or behavior of the other that we both chose each
other, idiosyncrasies and all. The line reminds me of how I’ve heard friendship
defined: Friendship is knowing fully the good and the bad of another person, and
moving forward with the relationship, anyway, accepting both. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>For Bill and me, and many couples I
know, one of the keys to a long-lasting and healthy marriage has less to do
with date nights or or weekends away, and more to do with the mindset that each
partner brings into each day of the marriage. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Holding onto
gratitude—especially when life gets crazy<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Couples in strong marriages make a
conscious effort to be thankful for their spouses. Miguel, married almost 20
years to Juanita, comments: </span><span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial";">“We can't seem to find date night time. We are working to
meet needs of kids, care for aging parents and we are bad at putting our
marriage ahead of all that. Nevertheless, when I feel like I am grinding
it out, day after day, I remind myself that I am so grateful to be sharing all
of this with someone else who cares as deeply about our kids and parents,” Miguel
said. “Basically, no one I'd rather do this with. I also am deeply
grateful that Juanita likes to do the things that I don't really like to do and
think it is mutual. I appreciate the teamwork that we forge together.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Consciously look for the good<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
hard-to-pay bills, dishes piled on the counter, and the forgotten appointment
can move a spouse in one of two directions. The daily annoyances of life with
another person can serve as proof points as to why a marriage isn’t working, or
they can propel a spouse to look more deeply into the other person and into the
marriage to find all that is worthwhile. Married couples who enjoy each other
don’t necessarily have fewer issues to work though, but they may take a
different approach to their challenges than those with less satisfying
marriages. </span><span style="background: white; font-family: "arial";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "arial";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>For Jenny
and Brian, parents of three children under 10, perspective is key. Jenny notes
that intentionally bringing to mind what attracted her to her husband brings
positive feelings to mind. “I flashback to our time dating,” she said. Jenny
also mentioned the importance of getting out of the day-to-day environment and
interact with others to bring freshness to the relationship. “If I'm
frustrated with him, I always change my attitude when we are out socializing
with friends or family and I see him interacting with others and I easily
remember how awesome he is and why I married him.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "arial";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Amy, married 23 years to Kevin, jokingly
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herself to go morbid. “I </span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">think about life
without Kevin and it really makes me appreciate him,” she said. Like Jenny, Amy
takes herself out of the present moment and into the past. “I think of when we
dated and how much I wanted to marry him. And I remember all the reasons why.
When I do both those things I am all in again.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Lean on honesty, humor and faith<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Brigid,
married 23 years to Bob, said that she has found that looking for the
underlying truth in a moment she might be tempted to quarrel has worked
tremendously well for the couple. <span style="background: white; color: #222222;"> “I
committed to be honest with myself rather than play games. If I feel vulnerable
or fear that I am not loved, I am committed to stating that truth rather than blowing
a situation out of proportion in order to get the reassurance that I need,” she
said. Brigid’s practice could likely save some marriages. Some couples find
themselves in endless rounds of arguments that have little to do with the
underlying issue: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Do you love me?</i>
Brigid balances her serious, intentional approach with quick wit. “I go out of
my way to tease my husband. You don't tease people you don't like,” she
said. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Andrea and Greg, married 23 years,
see the early years of marriage as critical. They credit their Catholic
upbringing and long, committed marriages on both sides of the family as helping
them with the more challenging early years of marriage—when misunderstanding
sometimes led to hurt and distance. “As we have grown together as a couple, the
trust in all areas has grown,” Andrea said. “We strive to be and kind to one
another and to put one another first. We operate from a place of deep
compassion and respect. This has been the glue that binds us together.”</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 9.5pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "times"; font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 5;"> </span>#<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>#<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>#<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Annemarie Scobeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17852995783909862950noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5430538756033364349.post-60804743813166269392016-04-22T11:30:00.000-07:002018-10-07T11:30:29.641-07:00Advice from other moms
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
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<br />
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No one talks shop more than mothers. And by “shop” I don’t
mean talking about the paid position a mother might have in addition to her job
as mom. We talk about that too — projects at work; our bosses or those who
report to us — but not nearly with the intensity or the passion that we talk
about our unpaid and more important job of motherhood. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I have
absorbed so much wisdom from my friends who are moms. Some of it has come to me
directly, when I’ve explained a problem or a question and they’ve given me
advice. Some of it has come from observing my friends as they’ve skillfully parented
a tantruming toddler or a sullen teen. I’ve received advice over cups of coffee
and glasses of wine; via email and text; on walks, bike rides and runs, and
even on a chairlift, riding to the top of a ski hill. My friend Andrea, a much
better skier than I, had to wait for me at the bottom of the hill to continue
her advice because I couldn’t keep up with her slaloming. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>So with
twenty-one years of advice coming to me from all directions, it is only right
that I share some of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Baby your baby: </b>My
friend Patty, mother of five and champion breastfeeder (she breastfed her twins
without using bottles), taught me this. The time parents put into holding,
rocking, gazing at, and yes, breastfeeding a baby will come back a hundredfold.
The cuddling, skin-to-skin contact, and sheer time together those first two
years builds a secure attachment that is the foundation for everything else. Because
of my years as a foster parent, receiving children who missed all or some of
this some of this foundation, I understand that there are other opportunities a
parent has beyond the first two years to make sure a child feels secure and
well-loved. But if you are privileged enough to give birth or receive a baby
through adoption, give that baby as much of yourself and your time as you are
able, even if it means rearranging other aspects of your life to make that
happen. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Don’t be afraid be in
charge: </b>My friend Carol and I taught grade school together before we both
became parents. As teachers in our early 20s, Carol and I had to learn that
what is in a child’s best interest and what makes that child happy are often
two different things, and it is the adult’s job to choose the best interest of
the child. Carol is my most direct friend, and calls it as she sees it. I can
almost hear the eye-roll over the phone as she tells me about a friend of hers
that I don’t know, who let their eight-year-old run the show at home and then
wonder why he’s getting in trouble at school. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Eat dinner together: </b>My
advice from friends regarding family dinner have come to me primarily through
the sharing of cooking tips and good recipes, because I grew up with family
dinners and benefitted from many nights of Shake n’ Bake chicken, potatoes and
good conversation. Research underlined what I saw in my own family and among my
friends who valued the evening meal. According to a study cited in a recent <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Washington Post </i>article, children who
have about five meals a week with their families have substantially higher
academic achievement than their peers who eat in shifts or as a family, but
with the TV on. Teens who eat regular family meals are less likely to engage in
smoking, drinking, drugs and early sexual behavior. Regular meals together are
linked to keeping teen depression and anxiety at bay as well as to healthier
eating and fewer eating disorders. Children who eat regular meals with their
parents are more likely to have a positive outlook on their life and their
future. A regular prayer before dinner weaves faith into everyday life. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Delay the Devices: </b>My
friend Amy, a mom of three teens who chose to not allow smart phones until late
into high school, shared with me stories of social media-obsessed and anxiety-ridden
kids she knew and helped me approach this arena with healthy caution. Other
friends have talked me through their experience using parental control software
and apps such as Net Nanny, Norton or Qustodio to limit and monitor their kids’
online behavior. And a few friends’ honest accounts of their fails in
protecting kids adequately from porn, social media bullying or late-night
texting propelled me to understanding what was at stake. Our freshman daughter was
thrilled to finally receive her first phone a couple weeks ago. Even though it
only has calling and texting abilities, not Internet, she is sufficiently
plugged into her fun and active social life. We’ve tied the use of her phone to
her grade point average—the higher each Friday’s GPA, the later the phone can
stay up the nights of the following week, ranging from 7 to 9 p.m. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Possibly the most important piece of parenting advice is
this, however: Each mother should have another mom or two that you can go to
with anything. Because sometimes a friend may offer no answer at all, no
advice. Just a good hug on a bad day. Thank you, friends. <o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Annemarie Scobeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17852995783909862950noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5430538756033364349.post-61232194675050884642016-04-22T11:26:00.000-07:002018-10-07T11:29:03.110-07:00Growing up, gaining strength
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">It used to be that if some piece of
furniture needed to be moved, Bill and I would do it together. Our fondness for
deals on used furniture early in our marriage meant that we rarely had anything
delivered. Many memories of my twenties include walking backwards under the
impossible weight of one side of a couch or table. Bill tried to be patient
with my distance runner arms and limited strength, but my memories also include
Bill sighing with impatience every time I had to put my side down to take a break,
which was frequently.</span></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“You
could have married someone burlier, if that was important to you,” I’d remind
him. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I’m
not sure when it was that I moved my last piece of heavy furniture, and I
certainly didn’t note it as a milestone, but one by one, as Jacob, Liam and
Teenasia have grown, each one of them has surpassed me in strength—and not just
by a little. Early in her eighth grade year, I commented to Teenasia, who is
shorter than I, that I thought she was now probably stronger. She nodded with a
bit of an eye roll that suggested this was very obvious, and then picked me up
and moved me to a different part of the kitchen. I think Bill might still
choose me over sixth-grade Jamie, as a moving partner, if we were the only two
choices available, but more likely, he’d just wait for Teenasia or Liam to get
home. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>There’s
much about parenting older kids that makes me wistful for the younger
years—toothless smiles; matching Easter dresses; plastic dinosaurs. But as my
children grow up, I have to say that if given the opportunity to go back in
time, I’d be glad to visit our younger selves, but I wouldn’t want to stay
there. I like having kids who are physically stronger than me. It’s interesting
to have sons who have gone further than I ever did in math and foreign language
studies. I appreciate being able to text Liam at track practice and ask him to
bring home a loaf of bread for dinner. So many parts of parenting involve
helping children master bits and pieces of their own lives. What I’m
discovering is as mastery comes, the parent and child relationship shifts. Less
of my time is spent telling Jacob and Liam what to do, and more time is spent
asking them questions about their activities; their thoughts; their plans. I am
carrying less weight—not just in terms of furniture, but in terms of mental
energy—because of the emerging adults I see. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And what I carry for the boys, for the most
part, is what they ask me to carry. Unlike younger kids, who insist on doing
things themselves, even in the face of disaster, my young adult sons are smart
enough to know the areas where Bill and I are still ahead. They won’t ask me
about Ultimate Frisbee plays, but they will question me about running or
writing; they will never come to me for tech support, but they’ll approach with
questions about faith or relationships. Jacob wouldn’t sign a lease for next
year’s apartment without Bill and me seeing it; Liam needed to know we thought
he was choosing correctly, when he decided on Santa Clara University. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>And
while my daughters still hover in the preteen and early adolescent phase, I see
occasional flashes of the young women they will become. Mixed in with their
growing physical strength, I see emotional strength developing. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>A
couple weeks ago, we had the hardwood floor of our bedroom refinished. We had
to remove both dressers and the bed so that the work could be done. Bill and
Liam did all the moving and I wasn’t needed. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
didn’t mind stepping aside. My strength will be needed for other things. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Annemarie Scobeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17852995783909862950noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5430538756033364349.post-91914293430044258572016-02-08T10:12:00.000-08:002018-10-07T10:12:41.046-07:00Bunk Beds
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
My sons grew out of their beds and I didn’t notice. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Liam, 17,
alerted me to this about a month ago, casually mentioning that he and Jacob no
longer fit in their beds and wondering if they could get new ones.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“If we lay
flat on our stomachs, our legs hang off the bed, starting around our shins,”
Liam said. “But if we just curl up, then we kind of fit, so if you feel like
it’s not worth the money, it’s okay.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I was
horrified by my inattention. The boys had had their bunk beds since Liam graduated
from his crib and Jacob was in kindergarten. Somewhere in late middle school,
when they started staying up later than me, I stopped tucking them in. By the
time Jacob started high school, we separated the bunks into twin beds. Their
bedtimes extended even later as homework increased. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Looking at Liam, I realized that with the
exception of poking my head into a darkened room when one of them overslept, I
had not seen either boy in bed for years. And now they were both six-four. Of
course they didn’t fit in their childhood bunk beds. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The next
weekend, my husband Bill and Liam went shopping and bought two extra-long twin
beds. I bought some extra-long sheets online, and Liam dismantled the bunk
beds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Once I
moved past the guilt of not noticing their growth, the nostalgia kicked in. Jacob
and Liam both slept in bassinettes as infants, white baskets on wheels that I
would pull next to my side of the bed at night for easy access to feed the. I
so clearly remembered looking at the crib set up in baby Jacob’s room,
untouched, waiting for him to outgrow the bassinette. I remember watching three-month-old
Jacob sleep in his bassinette, wondering if he was big enough for the crib yet,
concerned that the bumper would adequately protect him if he’d roll.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>How could
it be that these boys were once so tiny I could carry them with one arm? Liam’s
first car seat looked like a cradle with a handle. It clicked into a heavy
plastic base in the car. He was so small he needed a little head-holder foam
situation to keep his head from rolling off to the side, before he had the neck
control to hold it up. Now that cradle car seat would barely hold both Liam’s
shoes. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>They moved
into bunk beds when toddler Teenasia arrived as a foster child. Teenasia got
Liam’s crib and Liam moved to the bottom bunk. I had to stand on the ladder to
kiss Jacob goodnight. Three small children in one room. In the morning,
Teenasia would toss a stuffed animal into Liam’s bunk to wake him up. She was
an athlete even then. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>When
Teenasia went back to her biological family when she was two, and Jamie came as
a foster child, she received the vacated crib and the boys had a sister as a
roommate once again. When we adopted Jamie, Bill and I knew that two boys and a
girl sharing a room wouldn’t work out for long, and we moved to a larger house.
The bunk beds moved too. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Dinosaur
and racecar sheets were replaced by solid colors or patterns as the boys out
grew the need to have smiling creatures or vehicles on their bedding. The crib
converted to a toddler bed in Jamie’s room, and when Teenasia re-joined the
family at four, a friend shared her daughter’s outgrown princess dollhouse bed,
with a pink shuttered window for a headboard.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Beds have
such significance in family life. They represent not only rest, but refuge. When
Teenasia was placed back with her biological father at age five, after being
part of our family the second time, I gave that princess dollhouse bed away. It
was too painful to look at it empty, each night, and wonder if Teenasia even
had a bed of her own, where she was. But the boys’ bunk beds, mission style and
well-constructed of strong oak, were never empty. I suppose that a reason I
never discovered that the beds were too small was maybe I didn’t quite want to
admit that my sons were more young men than boys. Maybe I thought their height
was a temporary condition and any second they’d go back to being the little
boys I thought I’d always have. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>After the
purchase of the new beds, I offered the bunks to colleagues at work and
neighbors, but none of them needed them for their children. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Finally, I
told Liam he could put the bunk beds on Craig’s List. I didn’t love the idea of
selling the beds to a stranger. I would have rather given them away to someone
I knew. Someone whose kids I could watch grow up, knowing at night those kids
were snuggled in the bunk beds. But on Superbowl Sunday, three days after
Jacob’s twenty-first birthday, Liam had a call for the bunk beds. I pulled into
the driveway just as Liam was helping a woman load the bed frames into her SUV.
She was in her late-20s and had a warm countenance about her. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“You’ll
love these bunk beds,” I said. “Do you have kids?” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Soon, I
hope,” she said, sliding in the ladder. “I’m getting licensed to be a foster
parent, so I’m hoping to have a sibling group by summer.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I tried to
blink back my tears, but failed. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>My boys’
bunk beds were moving on, and I was glad that none of my friends needed them;
glad they were going to this stranger. They had important work to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 5;"> </span>#<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>#<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>#<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Annemarie Scobeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17852995783909862950noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5430538756033364349.post-86917697306714326602016-01-07T10:09:00.000-08:002018-10-07T10:09:53.427-07:00Why Catholic Schools
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footer"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="line number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
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<br />
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Headline: TBA<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Meetings
don’t begin with prayer at my place of employment. As a company, we don’t
gather for a weekly Mass, and there is no religious art in our lobby; no
crucifixes on the walls of our conference rooms. There is no official
discussion of religion, faith, Gospel values, saints that have gone before us,
or saints who may be in our midst. And all of this is completely appropriate. I
work for a Fortune 100 company, headquartered in Milwaukee, and the people who
come to work each day come from a beautiful array of backgrounds—some
religious, some not. I have no doubt there are silent prayers being offered
throughout the day at work; and I’m sure that choices that many employees make
in regard to ethics in the workplace are driven by their personal beliefs, but
religion, prayer and faith have no part in the official company vision, mission
or day-to-day operations. The vast majority of adults in the workforce share my
experience. Unless a person works for a faith-based organization, such as a
church, school, hospital, or social service agency, the workplace is devoid of
references to the role of faith in our lives. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>And
perhaps it’s my days in sleek modern rooms on global conference calls that make
me so grateful for my children’s Catholic schools. Perhaps it’s the absence of
the cross in my own cafeteria that makes me appreciate the one where my girls
eat, at Holy Family School in Whitefish Bay. Maybe the reason I feel such joy
at an evening Dominican meeting that begins with prayer is that earlier in the
day I went to three meetings that only began with the review of the agenda. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Our
four children will likely spend most of their lives in secular workplaces, as
my husband and I do. After graduating, they will enter a world that talks
little of prayer, religion or spirituality. The gods of consumerism and
achievement will snap at them, asking them to worship at the altar of status.
The loud call to service they now hear from their Catholic schools will become
a whisper, with the idea of servant leadership sounding paradoxical when
compared to the traditional model of leadership intertwined with power. Church
will be optional; religion compartmentalized. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
see the world rushing at my children like a tidal wave, and I see my children
being prepared by their Catholic schools to swim well and swim hard—not being
taught to flee from the inevitable strength of the current culture and time—but
rather being trained for what is to come. I see in our older boys, who have
been through 14 and 17 years of Catholic education respectively, a commitment
to social justice, prayer and faith that goes beyond what my husband and I
taught them. I credit their Catholic schools from K4 onward for building on
what Bill and I began at home—for giving them a wide variety of teachers who
approached faith, prayer and service differently than Bill and me, but within a
similar context. I see in our middle school girls a developing faith and a deepening
morality. I watch the girls discover their own pattern and ways of praying; I
see them approach service as a positive, fun event, whether it’s scooping out
meatloaf at St. Ben’s meal program or reading to children at the Next Door
Foundation. I see their sense of suburban name-brand entitlement begin to fade
in the wake of these experiences.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>My
children will need to make their own choices in terms of the place of faith,
religion, prayer and service in their lives, as they grow up. Indeed, Jacob and
Liam are making some of those decisions on their own, already. What I want for
my children is an awareness of God present in every moment of every day. What I
want is for them to know as adults is that prayer is within reach, that love
comes out of prayer and service is the response to love. I want the cross, the
Gospel values and the strength of the resurrection to be so much a part of who
each of my children is, that even if they are in a Fortune 100 company, in a
sleek modern room, on a global conference call, they will understand they are
nevertheless in the presence of God. I want them to know that in a world of
power and prestige, they are called to nothing more (and nothing less) than
servant leadership. And I believe their current day-to-day breathing of faith in
school; with God as the focus and the reason for learning; with experience of
service in response to the Gospels—this way of spending their childhood will
lead them to an adulthood of living their faith and understanding that God is everywhere,
even when unspoken and unseen. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Happy
Catholic Schools Week. Thank you St. Monica; Holy Family; Dominican; Notre
Dame. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Annemarie Scobeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17852995783909862950noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5430538756033364349.post-81441827591487442342015-10-23T10:06:00.000-07:002018-10-07T10:07:00.044-07:00Easter Eggs
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
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<br />
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When Jacob, now a junior in college, was four years old, we
went to a community Easter egg hunt. It wasn’t truly a hunt, as all the small
plastic eggs were in plain view, scattered across a football-field sized
section of the park. The hunt was open to children under five, and a couple
hundred preschoolers and toddlers stood in a circle around the eggs, baskets in
hand, ready for the large white bunny mascot to give the signal to go. The
bunny jumped up and down, his handler shouted go, and the tiny children rushed
out into the field, grabbing eggs. Children everywhere, gleefully scooping up
eggs, shouting to each other, racing around the field. But not Jacob, who
looked alarmed at all the action and held tightly to my leg.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>As Bill cajoled
Jacob to join the group, dramatically telling him of the yummy jellybeans
inside each egg, I surveyed the crowd to see if there were other, similarly
reluctant children. There were not. While a couple kids were looking for eggs
only in the area right in front of their parents, no one else had refused to
leave the sidelines entirely. Only Jacob.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>We left
that day with just one plastic egg, brought to us by the sympathetic bunny
mascot, who saw Jacob’s distress and tried to hand it to him. Jacob buried his
face in my leg, refusing the egg. I thanked the rabbit, who nodded (a bit
judgmentally, I thought).<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>That moment
stands out to me as pivotal in my parenting journey with Jacob, because it gave
me a tremendously important perspective. That spring morning, when Jacob was
four, I could see where my son was, compared to other children his age, in
terms of his ability to try something new. I love statistics, and I remember
doing the math in my head as we left the park. Two hundred kids looked for
eggs; one child wouldn’t; that put Jacob in the lowest half of one-percent in
terms of fearfulness of a new situation. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Bill and I
talked about the Easter egg hunt that night after Jacob was tucked in bed. We
discussed how much joy Jacob could be in danger of missing if he continued on
his current trajectory. We talked about our own personalities and where Jacob’s
reticence may have come from—and how our own parents either encouraged or
discouraged each of us from trying new things. Together that night, Bill and I
decided that parenting Jacob, who was such an easy, quiet child, was going to
require a bit more effort than we had put forth so far. We promised each other
we would not allow Jacob to spend his childhood on the sidelines— even if he
wanted that. We committed to figuring out the balance between respecting his
naturally cautious personality and steering him to experience new things. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Fast
forward to a childhood of nudging, prodding, and sometimes simply waiting for
our hesitant son. We sent him off to sleepaway camp for a week the summer after
fifth grade; we taught him to ski (he stayed on the medium hills even when he
was good enough to go down the black diamonds); we signed him up for activities—sometimes
asking him first, sometimes not. Gradually, through grade school, Jacob became
more confident and Bill and I breathed a sigh of relief as he began taking
initiative, showing us flyers for sports and events and asking to join.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By high school, Jacob had left the fearful
little boy behind, and jumped into stage crew, high school sports, and life
with friends. On the occasions he did hesitate, his friends tugged him in,
convincing him, for example, to be part of a gentlemen’s pageant, wearing a
horse mask. He joined a young adult Ultimate Frisbee team as soon as he could drive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My Easter egg memory became blurry. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>This past
weekend, Jacob went to Easter Island, in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, and
camped with friends—he chose the excursion as part of his semester studying
abroad in Chile. We Face Time with him once every couple of weeks, and he’s
happy, not homesick, speaking Spanish, but still unable to roll his Rs. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Last
semester, when Jacob first told me he was going to study abroad, I tried to
contain my surprise as I asked him why he had chosen Chile, and not England or
Ireland, where Notre Dame also had programs—and where he could study in
English. “The idea of going to Chile made me the most uncomfortable of all the
programs,” he said. “And I guess I’ve learned that when I choose to do
something uncomfortable, it usually ends up being a great experience. So I
signed up.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From being afraid to pick up Easter eggs, to
camping on Easter Island. He’s learned to nudge himself. <o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Annemarie Scobeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17852995783909862950noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5430538756033364349.post-49187821281373486512015-09-17T10:01:00.000-07:002018-10-07T10:02:05.340-07:00A Letter written by Liam to Teenasia <span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">This is Liam's writing, to his younger sister: </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><br /></span>
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Dear Teenasia,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Four years
ago you officially entered my life with a bang. On September 30, 2011, a judge
struck a gavel against a block of wood, and that crisp sound meant that you were
officially part of my family; you were finally adopted after years in foster
care. As incredible as the moment of adoption was, it was not as significant as
the hundreds of much more ordinary, everyday experiences we have had together
before and since that moment. These experiences—from the endless bike ride in
Washington, D.C. to apple picking near the Kettle Moraine—have defined you as a
member of my family and my sister. On this fourth anniversary of your adoption
day, I want you to know how fortunate I feel to have you as my sister.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>You are an
incredibly talented person. Your perseverance amazes me, your athletic ability
impresses me, and your love and dedication to your family never ceases to
astound me. You are very different from the average thirteen-year-old girl and
I mean that in the best possible way. You catch the humor in everything,
whether or not it was intended. You are undoubtedly the most observant person I
know, while also being one of the most sensitive. Your optimistic and
charismatic personality—still intact and not dimmed even after years of turmoil
from different houses, foster families, and court cases in your first nine
years of life—make you an inspiration. I know I do not always acknowledge your
resilience, and it is commonplace that we start our day bickering about who
gets to use the shower first, but that does not change how I feel. Our
brother-sister competition is often frustrating and irritating, but it is part
of being siblings, and deep down I know that as we overcome our differences, we
will be closer as we get older. You are so deeply my sister—I feel it in
everything we do, yet sometimes I notice the world has trouble recognizing that
we are related. I know you notice it as well.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>We never
talked to about the family trip in California-- <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>what happened when we took the ride on the
cable car. Mom paid for the cable car tickets, and we all found a space to
stand as the car started to move. About two minutes later the ticket collector
came back and said to Mom, “Excuse me, but which children are yours?” It was an
understandable question, the operator couldn’t be expected to assume that a
Puerto Rican girl, an African American girl, and a white boy were all siblings.
Although I understood the ticket collector’s confusion, it still saddened me.
The reality of the matter is that there is an image of what families are, and adoptive
families don’t always fit that image.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Adoption is
a beautiful thing, and there is no reason why it should be so unusual. I am
blessed to have you, Jacob, and Jamie in my life, and I would not have it any
other way. I play, fight, eat, and pray with all of you and I treasure my
unique relationship with each one of you. From my experience, adoption is the
optimal gift, as both parties are on the receiving end. I was lucky enough to
receive a sister, Mom and Dad were blessed with a daughter, and you got a
loving family. This ultimate exchange is nothing short of miraculous, and it is
something that can always be looked to as an example of the grace of God. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>In adopting
you, Mom and Dad were putting complete and absolute trust in God. They couldn’t
go on <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Consumer Reports</i> and research
until they found a daughter that fit their desired criteria, they had to
believe that God would help them find a child that needed them, and just as
importantly a child who would be able to prosper under their love, direction,
and support. Prospering wasn’t easy, you had to learn the ABCs once as a
todder, and learn them again when you came back after your years away, as a
kindergartener. Moving back and forth has left its impact, but I have watched
with joy as you have been able to climb your mountain of challenges, swim
through your river of painful memories, and cross your desert of doubt. Your
journey from one household and way of life to another hasn’t been easy or fast,
and it is certainly not over, but though heaps of hard work, you have made an
incredible amount of progress. You have prospered. You are amazing, and anyone
who knows you well understands this. The years since your adoption have flown
by and I have trouble accepting that you are already in eighth grade—last night
during dinner I barely stopped myself from making a remark asking why you were
talking about high school. Yes, I had to tell myself, she will be in high school
next year. She’s not a little kid anymore. Your adoption is something
incredible. It is an action that mirrors God’s love for humanity and I count
myself blessed to have you in my life.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Liam<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"></span>Annemarie Scobeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17852995783909862950noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5430538756033364349.post-17659852077947717082015-09-17T09:59:00.000-07:002018-10-07T10:00:37.947-07:00Big brother and little sister, from the beginning <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Over
the summer, cleaning out big plastic tubs in the basement, I came across some
newsletters, put together by Liam’s K4 teacher, Linda Kihslinger. Each day,
Linda would have five children tell her about what was going on in their lives.
She’d write down their comments—just couple sentences—and Xerox the page each
day to be sent home to parents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I sat
on the damp basement floor and re-read the newsletters, I was startled that the
time had passed so quickly. Liam and his classmates were to be seniors in high
school this year. It didn’t seem possible that it was 13 years ago that I was
the parent helper in Mrs. K’s room, wiping the tables, cutting out large
alphabet letters, pouring milk. Sitting on the floor, reading Liam’s words, as
transcribed by Mrs. K, I remembered what was going on in Liam’s life, as a kindergartener.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>When
Liam was four, Bill and I had just finished the final round of training and licensing
we needed to become foster parents. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“I’m
going to get a foster child baby!” Liam said in the December, 2002 newsletter.
“We saved Jacob’s and my crib for the baby. We needed to go to some classes and
the teachers tell you what you need for a foster baby. I hope our foster baby
will come on Christmas vacation.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>What
was significant to me, reading Liam’s entries, was how much ownership he took
of the process. It wasn’t just Mom and Dad who were receiving a baby, it was
the whole family. We all went to classes. We all needed to learn what to do. In
the rite of baptism, the priest asks the parents, “Do you truly understand what
you are undertaking?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In adoption (which
I believe should be a sacrament), we would do well to ask this of the entire family,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Do you truly understand what you are
undertaking?” because the whole family needs to be invested in order for there
to be a successful outcome.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“We almost got the baby
two times, but not yet,” Liam reported in February of 2003. “We still have to
wait. Maybe the next day you wake up. We got the car seat that I was using when
I was little. It does not fit me any more.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Four-year-old
Liam had no idea back then that toddler Teenasia would come into his life
within the month, would live with us a year, only to be placed with her
biological father for the following three years. Little Liam, preparing his old
crib, lining up his stuffed animals in a welcoming pack, could not have
imagined that Teenasia’s journey back and forth from her biological home to
ours would go on for years, delaying her adoption until she was almost 10 and
Liam was 13. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Somebody
came to our house today, I do not know her name,” he reported in the spring, referencing
the social worker who checked in each month. “She is one of the people who tell
us who Teenasia will be with. I was watching her talk most of the time.
Teenasia was crawling.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of Liam’s entries about Teenasia, though,
have nothing to do with foster care and adoption. They are remarkable only in
how deeply ordinary they are. A four-year-old boy talking about life with his
one-year-old sister. “Now today, my mom and my baby were reading two pop-up
books and my baby ripped one just by touching it. Then we gave her three baby
books. She loved the baby books. Then we made lunch. I made cheese, bread and
turkey.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>And
its the ordinariness of Liam’s life with Teenasia that is part of the
undercurrent that kept Teenasia afloat even as the Bureau of Child Welfare and
the State of Wisconsin botched repeated opportunities to prevent abuse and
neglect. Whether Teenasia understood it or not, and whether Liam remembers it
or not, Liam’s clear vision of Teenasia as sister helped carry her through
those difficult years away from our family. Our life together in 2003 and 2004,
with kindergartener Liam, second-grade Jacob and toddler Teenasia was nothing
dramatic. It was a life of apple juice, Bob the Builder videos, and runny
noses. And thankfully, Liam recorded a good deal of it with Mrs. K. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>In May, 2003: “Now
because it’s warm, we can have a picnic, because when the sun shines warm, my
baby doesn’t get cold.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Was Teenasia
able to hold onto some of the warmth from the sun that day, even as the Bureau
and the State later placed her in a situation where she was deeply hurt? I believe
she was. Not all of it. Some of that sun was eclipsed in the traumatic years
that followed. But some of the warmth was retained. Warmth from a brother who
was mostly was nothing more than regular, nothing more than ordinary, to his
little sister. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But
most importantly, also nothing less. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Me
and Teenasia took a bath.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Thank
you Liam. <o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Annemarie Scobeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17852995783909862950noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5430538756033364349.post-46595522518306047832015-04-07T09:56:00.000-07:002018-10-07T09:59:06.632-07:00Why am I Catholic, really?
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">My friend recently asked me
as part of an email conversation, why I stay in the Catholic church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“If
that sounds confrontational, it's not,” he wrote in his email. “At least
not yet. I am genuinely curious.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
friend was raised Catholic but is not currently a practicing member of any
religion. He credits the Jesuits with saving his life in high school, went to
Georgetown University for undergrad and married a Catholic woman he met there.
They now have four children. His wife is still a practicing Catholic and brings
the younger kids to Mass and religious education. Bill and I are godparents to
their third child. </span><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">My friend’s question is a
fair one. He’s not asking why I’m Christian; he’s not questioning my faith in
God; he’s asking me why I belong to a religion that has some elements that he
knows I disagree with. He knows, for example that I believe the church should
ordain married people of both genders, along with men and women who choose
celibacy. He knows I believe the question of birth control and family planning
is complex and should not be simplified into a one-size-fits-all teaching. He
knows that Bill and I have a depth of understanding of the ramifications of all
types of child abuse, and yet have chosen to stay with a church whose leaders
failed to protect children from the most egregious of abuse. He knows I hold
dear our gay friends and colleagues—that I believe they should be as welcome at
the Eucharistic table as they are at our own dining room table. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">And yet I’m Catholic.
Passionately Catholic. And I could no more change to another Christian religion
than I could peel off my skin and exchange it for a different tone with a
better hue. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Why am I Catholic? I may not embrace or even
agree with all the teachings of the church, but I believe in all the
sacraments. I believe in God's grace working through them. I've felt the grace;
I've seen it. I’ve received Communion and have been grateful for the grace that
carried me through a difficult relationship. Eucharistic grace that allowed me
to be able to reach beyond the angry words I wanted to say to a difficult
person, to the better words I needed to say to begin to heal the relationship. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’ve felt the grace present in the sacrament of
reconciliation. I’ve seen my children leave the church after going to
reconciliation, feeling more peaceful, acting more loving, trying harder to be
who they are called to be. Not leaving the church perfect, by any means—none of
us do—but coming out of the sacrament, still imperfect, but full of grace. I
remember Liam running around the parking lot of the church when he was about
eight, after his first reconciliation, yelling, “I feel so light!” I have felt
that lightness, too. It is grace. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It is marriage where I’ve probably felt
sacramental grace most strongly. Grace times two. So powerful. Bill and I
continue to turn to our vows; to our promise to God; to each other. I see the
same grace in the marriages of my friends. One friend, whose husband made a
hurtful choice, responded by upping her prayer; by turning to her husband; by
recognizing not only her own pain, but his. She allowed his poor choice to
propel them together more in search of God, rather than letting his behavior be
a reason to drift apart. I watched their grace and it made me weep. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Some sacraments seem under-utilized.
We do not need to reserve the sacrament of the sick for the dying. Any serious
problem—mental, physical, emotional—can be a reason to receive the sacrament. I
asked that my daughter Jamie be anointed when she was one—not because she
seemed sick, but because I knew of her past history before she came to us as a
foster child. I knew healing was needed. I asked for it. I felt the grace. I
feel it now. In 11-year-old Jamie’s exuberant presence is God’s grace. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">And then there’s ordination.
God’s profound grace. Some of the most influential, inspirational people Bill
and I have ever had the pleasure of knowing and listening to are (or were) priests:
Fr. John Eagan; Fr. Bob Purcell; Fr. Melvin Michalski; Fr. Jack Kern; Fr. Bryan
Massingale; Fr. Bob Wells; Fr. Pat Smith; Fr. Mike Bertram; Fr. John Naus; Fr.
Andre </span><span style="background: white; color: #6a6a6a; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Father Andre</span><span style="background: white; color: #545454; font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Papineau</span><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">; Fr. Tim Kitzke; Fr. Joe Juknialis;
</span><span style="font-family: Arial;">Fr. John Fitzgibbons. These amazing people,
in their homilies and in the way they live (or lived) their lives, inspired the
decisions we have made and have deepened our own faith journey. Holy Orders is
a beautiful, grace-filled sacrament. It’s just not expansive enough—we could
have even more grace-filled people leading our church. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
couldn’t say all this to my friend in my email, because the email came in at
work and I didn’t have time to respond. But I can say it now. I can explain
that I stay in the Catholic church because of God’s grace present in the
sacraments. I have seen how this grace has led to prayer, service and goodness
in the world. This grace is present in Catholic Social Teaching, a beautiful
set of letters and documents about how we are called to serve our world in a
very concrete and practical way. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
am part of the Catholic Church because I see God’s grace-filled people,
nourished by the sacraments; anointed with oil, splashed with the water of
baptism, serving God in great numbers. They are teaching in schools; working
for change in social service agencies; bringing about good in the public and
private sector; they are housing refugees and giving food and shelter to the
needy; they are bandaging the hurt and the broken; giving medicine to the ill; they
are visiting those in prison; they are speaking out against injustice. I see
them, and I strive to use my God-given grace as well as they are. That’s why
I’m Catholic. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">#<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>#<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>#<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Annemarie Scobeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17852995783909862950noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5430538756033364349.post-50060811146065686772015-03-07T09:52:00.000-08:002018-10-07T09:54:14.951-07:00Running to the Jewish Community Center for Lent
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt;">This Lent,
each Friday, I have been running from our home in Glendale to the Jewish
Community Center, in Whitefish Bay, to participate in a class focused on
mindfulness and meditation. My cool-down from my run is my walk through the JCC
to the classroom, passing the many plaques honoring Jewish benefactors in the
halls; the beautiful old books of sacred scripture under glass, and the Hebrew
words and phrases in hallway banners. I picture Jesus chuckling in recognition
as I go about my Lent at the JCC. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt;">Thanks to
new developments in brain scanning technology and a burst of research centered
on the human brain, science is confirming what world religions have long
known—mindfulness and meditation are powerful forces of good. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt;">Mindfulness
is the practice of <span style="color: #333333;">maintaining a moment-by-moment
awareness of thoughts, feelings, the body, and the surrounding environment. A
person who is trying to be mindful focuses on what he or she is sensing and
feeling in the present moment, rather than thinking about what might need to be
done later or returning to a memory. Mindfulness is the opposite of
multi-tasking. Mindfulness is truly listening; fully tasting; deeply
experiencing; it’s taking our feelings as they come, and not burying them or
pushing them away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Sacrament of the Present Moment</i>,
Jean-Pierre de Caussade, an 18<sup>th</sup> century Jesuit, put it this way: </span></span><span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“The present moment holds infinite riches
beyond your wildest dreams but you will only enjoy them to the extent of your
faith and love.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt;">Meditation
involves quieting the mind and heart. It is a time of focusing our attention on
a sacred word or on our breath; a time of letting our thoughts pass by, without
holding onto them or entering into them. It is a time of deep awareness. Meditation
can be secular or rooted in a religious tradition. A common theme, though, is
silence and stillness. The Catholic practice of centering prayer, as taught by
Thomas Merton and Thomas Keating, both Benedictine monks, is “</span><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">prayer in which we experience God's presence
within us, closer than breathing, closer than thinking, closer than
consciousness itself.” (Keating.) </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 13.5pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background: white; line-height: 13.5pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt;">The research on the
benefits of practicing mindfulness and meditation are clear. According to a
study published in the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Clinical Journal
of Pain</i>, meditation can reduce symptoms of chronic pain by 50%. In a study
of health insurance statistics, meditators had 87% fewer hospitalizations for
heart disease. Middle school meditators show improved work habits, attendance
and grade point average, according to the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Journal
of Research and Development in Education</i>. And compassion-based meditation
programs can significantly improve activity in the areas brain of the brain
important for empathy, according to a study published in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Psychological Science.</i> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt;">As study
after study documents the benefits of mindfulness and meditation, a secular
movement is exploding. An organization called Mindful Schools instructs
teachers how to bring mindfulness and meditation to their students. The
Shorewood public school system is one of a number of area schools that have
added mindfulness and meditation to their curriculum—being careful to focus on
the secular practices, rather than the ones born out of religious tradition. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt;">And where
are Catholics as brain-scanning MRIs and hundreds of studies corroborate the both
the words of Scripture and what our greatest saints have been saying for
centuries? Too often, rather than cheering with recognition and using the
studies to buoy our own re-commitment to our long-standing history and
tradition of meditation, Catholics are sitting on the sidelines, not sure what
to do with the mindfulness and meditation movement. Kids are meditating in the
public schools, and too often, our Catholic school students are not. A new
meditation studio is opening in Mequon while area Catholic churches sit empty
most weekdays as just a handful of parishioners among the five large North
Shore parishes gather for centering prayer. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt;">Our
Catholic schools are fantastic with many types of prayer— I will never forget
Jacob’s first grade class saying the Rosary together on September 11, 2001,
right after the towers came down. I have been brought to tears by children
singing at all-school Masses. I love the spontaneous petitions that are part of
many teachers’ morning prayer experiences. But many Catholic schools miss the
opportunity to teach children to meditate; to pray from the heart—not with
words, but with their very being. The current swell of attention to meditation
and mindfulness—and the school curriculums that accompany this attention--<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>is an opportunity to give our Catholic school
children the gift of learning to “Be still and know that I am God,” (Psalm
46:10).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt;">I still
have a couple Fridays left in lent to run to the JCC for my mindfulness and
mediation class. I’m participating in centering prayer at our parish on Sunday
night, as well, and there are also a couple of those sessions left. But as my
lent ends, and I look toward Easter—I have a desire to help resurrect this ancient
wordless form of prayer—a form of prayer that, while certainly not dead, is
perhaps more latent than it should be. In a world full of words and noise,
texts and tweets, what a gift we could give to our children, to ourselves, to
learn to rest in the loving presence of God. And as lent ends, I don’t know
exactly how I’m being called to help people move toward this type of prayer, but
I’m not too worried about that. In the words of Thomas Merton, arguably the
greatest modern teacher of centering prayer: </span><span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“You do not need to know precisely what is happening, or
exactly where it is all going. What you need is to recognize the possibilities
and challenges offered by the present moment, and to embrace them with courage,
faith and hope.”</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--EndFragment--><br />Annemarie Scobeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17852995783909862950noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5430538756033364349.post-39112957006827865302014-11-06T09:50:00.000-08:002018-10-07T09:51:27.699-07:00Shampooing his sister
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>On
one of the first evenings after our then-foster (now adopted) daughter Teenasia
came to live with us, second grade Jacob was at the dining room table, working
on his religion homework, preparing for his upcoming First Communion. Bill was
upstairs giving four-year-old Liam a bath and I was at the kitchen sink,
holding wriggling 16-month-old Teenasia, wrapped in a towel, trying to wash her
hair in the kitchen sink. I found I couldn’t hold her with one arm and wash her
hair with the other. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Hey,
Jacob. Do you want to sit there and learn about your faith, or do you want to
live it?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Jacob
looked up, intrigued and put his pencil down. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“I’ll
live it,” he said, smiling and walking over. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>As
I held tightly to Teenasia so she wouldn’t bump her head on the faucet, Jacob
took the spray and wet his new little sister’s hair, then added shampoo. As he
worked the suds around Teenasia’s head, he looked into her eyes and narrated
the process. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Soon,
Teenasia, distracted by Jacob’s voice and interested in what he was doing,
slowed her movements, smiled at Jacob and relaxed in my arms. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Teenasia, now 13, has been washing her hair on
her own for many years now and I’m not sure Jacob, now 19, even remembers that
night. But for me, the evening has come to encapsulate what I believe to be
true about the connection between faith and service: We need to know when it’s
time put down the religion book and get to work. Going to church, joining a
prayer group, reading books on spirituality cannot be ends in themselves. Faith
and prayer must lead to action. Yet, propelling a family from a weekly hour at
church to a life focused on service can be complicated.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>When
toddler Teenasia and then toddler Jamie joined (and re-joined, in Teenasia’s
case) our family as foster children, our boys could absorb service to others by
osmosis. Part of both the goodness and hardship of foster care, they learned
that reaching out to others doesn’t guarantee everything will work out fine.
Their pain in having Teenasia placed back with her biological father twice—once
at age two and again at five—gave them an early glimpse into a world of child
welfare and social services that was completely unknown to most of their
suburban peers. At the same time, Jacob and Liam came to understand, possibly
more than some kids, the profound joy that comes with living the Matthew 25
Gospel—when I was hungry, thirsty, sick or naked, you fed me, gave me drink,
took care of me, and clothed me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Now
that the girls are older though and living the same cushy suburban life as the their
brothers, with sports practices, homework, vacations and too many clothes, it
isn’t as easy to demonstrate a daily commitment to service as a family as it
was when we were fostering. For awhile, I was very concerned about this. I’d
stare at the huge dry erase calendar in the kitchen to find more dates when
everyone was available to go to serve dinner at St. Ben’s meal program; last
year, I tried (and failed) to find a family vacation that could also be a
service trip. But as I’ve attempted to orchestrate service into my family’s
life, something else was happening. The kids were growing up, and as they’ve
gotten older, people outside of the family are inviting them to service, and
they are responding. Jacob chose to go on a service trip to Appalachia instead
of a fall break Florida trip with friends; Liam went to an orphanage in
Guatamala with ten Dominican students a few months ago. Jamie and Teenasia,
while younger, seem to be on the same trajectory. They’re eager to help, and
opportunities are arising that I had nothing to do with. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>What
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joined sports teams and clubs apart from me, their call to serve others is more
likely to take place outside of the family as well. As with everything, Bill
and I were our children’s first teachers, their first coaches—the coordinators
of their first service trips—but it is gratifying to see them moving beyond us.
Their call to service will be different than Bill and mine. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>And
I’m enjoying being a witness and they put down their pencils, close the
religion books for the moment, and live their faith.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
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<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
#<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>#<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>#<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Annemarie Scobeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17852995783909862950noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5430538756033364349.post-28868283354567106342014-10-31T09:46:00.000-07:002018-10-07T09:48:37.659-07:00What will she be for Halloween?
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Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
What will she be for Halloween? <br clear="all" />
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>When Jacob,
now in college, was about ten, he was a nurse shark for Halloween. He wore
scrubs borrowed from a family friend in the medical field and fashioned an
ominous fin sticking out of his back. He carried a blood pressure cuff and
created a medical nametag that said “Nurse Shark.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The next year, he dressed all in white and pinned
a large orange circle to his mid-section. He wore horns and carried a
pitchfork—a deviled egg. Looking back on photos of Jacob each Halloween, the
theme was playing with language. It seemed to start as far back as second grade
when he taped a two-liter Coke container to his face and went as a bottle-nosed
dolphin. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Jamie, 11,
an avid gum chewer, went as a bubble gum machine last Halloween, and Liam, our
techy kid, was a robot early on. Bill and I don’t like to spend much money on
Halloween costumes, preferring to allow the kids to scrounge something together
from the way-too-much stuff we have laying around the house. Through the years,
I’ve been amazed at how each child manages to pull off a costume that speaks to
his or her interest and personality. This year, Jamie is an iPad, probably
because as the youngest in the family, she isn’t allowed much device time. If you
can’t have your own iPad, you might as well be one for Halloween. Liam (still
the family tech support) helped her print out large-sized versions of the app
icons to glue on her foam core board. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But it is
Teenasia’s costumes that have somehow been the most poignant to me. Once she
graduated from the small child stage of costumes that I chose (preschool Jamie
and Teenasia as bumblebees and little Liam as the beekeeper) and could choose
them for herself, Teenasia has often dressed as African American women she
admired. She was Harriet Tubman in third grade; a dentist in fourth grade; and
Gabby Douglas, the Olympic gymnast, in fifth grade. She took a year off last
year in grade six to be a birthday cake (she loves her birthday more than
anyone I know), but this year, she is back to her admirable black woman theme,
dressing as Tiana, the strong princess who saves both herself and her prince,
from Disney’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Princess and the Frog. </i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Teenasia’s
Halloween costumes speak to me, not only because I love the end result, but
because I watch Teenasia’s process of choosing a costume. It’s not easy and
this year, in particular, she was struggling to find something. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“We have
that witch costume in the basement,” I reminded her one night as she looked
through photos of Michelle Obama, trying to decide if people would know who she
was if she wore a suit, pearls and heels. “You could be a witch. We could get
some green makeup.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>She would
have none of it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Teenasia’s annual
search for Halloween costumes is a reminder to me of the challenge of finding
black women role models for girls—either real or fictional. As inspirational as
Harriet Tubman is, Teenasia needed to reach back to the time of slavery to come
up with her. When Teenasia dressed as 2012 gold medalist Gabby Douglas,
everyone knew who she was—partly because there were no other black women gymnasts
in that Olympics. And until late 2009 when <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The
Princess and the Frog </i>was released, not one of Disney’s many princesses was
African American. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Clearly, this isn’t a just a Halloween issue.
Every time I take my girls to a kids’ or family movie, I am disappointed by the
lack of diversity on the screen. Few kids’ books feature African American main
characters. Too often, the minorities in films and on TV have token supporting
roles, rather than meatier main ones. The causes of this are deep, complicated,
and go beyond casting decisions. Of all the difficulties we, as a society
continue to face in the horrific long aftermath of slavery, it may seem petty
to complain that the first black Disney princess arrived on the scene just a
few years ago. But the lack of fictional diversity is symbolic of the work that
still needs to be done in the real world. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Yet, at the
same time, I’m thankful Disney’s Tiana arrived at all, however late she may
have been. I’m thankful for the progress we’ve made, and the men and women who
continue to work for change; who continue to be a voice for the voiceless and
advocate for the marginalized. I’m thankful that my daughters were born at a
time when schools, corporations and the government are all recognizing and
discussing the importance of diversity and inclusion—even if we haven’t figured
it out all the solutions yet. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>This year,
Teenasia will be Tiana. She’ll wear a tiara, a green gown, and she’ll carry a
frog. She’ll be the beautiful African American princess who went from waitress
to frog to restaurant owner. And this Halloween, my prayer is that as Teenasia
grows out of trick or treating and costumes in the next couple years, she will
grow into the belief that in real life, she can become whoever she wants to
be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Annemarie Scobeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17852995783909862950noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5430538756033364349.post-23930472997765981032014-09-17T07:07:00.000-07:002014-09-17T07:07:01.466-07:00View from the Middle<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
It’s a non-milestone year for our
family. No one is graduating this year. None of the four kids is new to his or
her respective school. No one is being adopted, baptized or receiving their
First Communion. Bill and I have been at the same workplaces for about a decade
each, and while we’re thinking of buying a new couch for the family room, we
don’t have any other exciting home-improvement projects on the horizon. He and
I, out for our twenty-first wedding anniversary (another non-milestone year,
when compared to twenty or twenty-five) reflected over dinner how intensely “in
the middle” we are.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“If
only we knew somehow, that this was all going to turn out, this would be so
much easier,” Bill said. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
understood exactly what he meant. In the early days of marriage, when we were
in our twenties, with pudgy toddlers and early careers, anything was possible.
Age 40 seemed impossibly far off and I couldn’t quite imagine having a child
who could speak in full sentences, let alone one who would actually finish high
school, make it to college and live a couple hundred miles away. Even into our
early thirties, each year brought new possibilities—Bill jumped out of his
marketing career and went back to school to become a teacher; we leapt into
foster care; we built a deck on the back of our house with help from our
still-childless friends and a brochure from Home Depot. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Now,
fifteen years later, having surged past the once far-off age of 40, we are deep
into the family life we began as early-marrieds. With four kids ages 11, 12, 16
and 19, the question marks in our marriage have shifted from ourselves to our
children. Each question has a different child as its center. Will Jacob find a
major that can lead him to meaningful work?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Where will Liam go to college? Can our parenting of Teenasia make up for
her difficult early years? What will Jamie’s strong personality look like in
adolescence? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>We
are in the middle of parenting and middles are difficult. When I ran cross country
in high school and college, the middle was the most challenging part of the
race. Adrenaline carried me through the first half mile, and sheer will brought
me to the finish, but the middle of the course — with hills and woods and
sometimes streams to jump over-- <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>that was
where the real work was. The middle was filled with tactical decisions—if I
pass now, will she pass me back later? If I pick up speed now, will I have
enough energy to finish? The importance of tactical decisions is true with
parenting in the preteen and teen years, as well. Do we address the messy room
or let it go? If I put more energy into the relationship, will it pay off, or
will I collapse from fatigue? Do I give the second reminder, or allow natural
consequences to prevail?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As with cross
country, the middle of the parenting course requires both endurance and faith.
Bill’s question from our dinner is the question of every runner who has passed
the water station but can’t yet see the finish. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We know our position now—the question is how
will it affect the outcome? The only way to answer the question is to keep
running hard, keep parenting as well as we are able. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--EndFragment--><br />
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>We
are in the middle. We’re sweaty and breathing hard and we’ve got mud splattered
on our legs from the last puddle we couldn’t quite jump over. But we’re running
together, Bill and I, through the middle of our marriage, the middle of our
parenting. If the first half of the race has shown us anything, it’s that we’re
loyal teammates. And as the course veers up a hill or into the woods, we’re
ready for it, because we’ve been training together. Sometimes Bill leads.
Sometimes I do. And sometimes the course is wide enough that we can run side by
side. <o:p></o:p></div>
Annemarie Scobeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17852995783909862950noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5430538756033364349.post-77286198168995487622014-09-17T07:05:00.002-07:002014-09-17T07:05:50.876-07:00Hyphenated name<div class="MsoNormal">
April, 2014</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our son Liam, 15, has a jersey he wears over his jacket to
play pond hockey in the winter. On the back is spelled out “Scobacheck,” a nod
to his hyphenated last name of Scobey-Polacheck. More than 20 years ago, before
Liam was even a twinkle in our eyes, his dad and I got engaged and decided that
when we married, we would both hyphenate our names and so would any children
who might come our way. Our decision, made by a couple of 23-year-old
idealists, was made with both intention and reflection, but without detailed
thought to practical issues, such as the fact that a hyphenated name would be
too long to fit on the back of a sports jersey. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>At the time
of our marriage, I could not imagine changing my name to Polacheck. I loved the
name Scobey. Something about the two syllables, the “b” in the middle and “y”
at the end made it feel bouncy. Bubbly. Boppy. Happy. “Scobey” was fun, while
“Polacheck” was more serious. Eastern Europe is not known for its zippy,
easy-going last names. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Unlike some
couples who each retained their own names, Bill and I, both English majors with
an affinity for the meaning inherent in word choice, thought a hyphenated name
best represented what we wanted our marriage to be about—the joining of two
lives. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>One of the
most immediate gifts that hyphenation offered was experiencing the grace with
which Bill’s parents accepted a decision that they didn’t agree with. The day
after we announced that we would hyphenate, Bill’s mother called to tell him
that she and his father thought this was not a good idea. Bill thanked her for
the call, explained some of our reasons and said we were going to go forward anyway.
His parents never brought it up again. In the 20 years that would follow, every
letter, card and thank-you note they sent was addressed to us using our
hyphenated name. Bill’s parents could have written “Mr. and Mrs. Bill Polacheck”
to make a point, but they chose instead to honor our decision, and in doing so,
they gave us confidence that they trusted us to do what was best for our
relationship and our family, even if it would be a different choice than they
would make for themselves. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Bill and I
believed that if were going to be successful at having a long and unwieldy last
name, we’d need to retain both flexibility and a sense of humor. It didn’t help
that I have a double first name. “Your name is Annemarie Scobey-Polacheck?” I
remember a dad of one of my children’s friends saying, upon our introduction.
“Are you sure that’s just one person?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Bill pointed out that my name had the same number of syllables as John
Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>When we
named our sons, we purposefully chose short, easy first names and skipped a
middle name, knowing they could add a middle name at Confirmation if they
chose. Our biggest complication came upon the adoption of nine-year-old
Teenasia. Teenasia was a difficult first name (her name pronounced ten-asia,
rather than teen-asia, as it is spelled). Bill and I stayed up late in the
weeks leading to her adoption, wondering if we should take the moment of her adoption
to legally change everyone’s name to Polacheck. Finally, we had our friends,
Cliff and Machellé Brown, over for dinner and asked them what they thought. We
thought the Browns, an African American family who had chosen uncomplicated
first names for their own four children, would be able to advise us on whether
it would be unfair to give Teenasia such a unusual last name on top of her
difficult first name. They were incredulous. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“What?”
Cliff said, putting down his fork. “You are the Scobey-Polachecks. That’s who
you are. That’s who Teenasia will be. She’ll handle it. It will be fine.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Teenasia
herself declared her commitment to the name by proudly writing it in bubble
letters on her school folders once she was adopted. She has since stated, amid
Jacob’s discussion of dropping a name, that she plans to be hyphenated forever.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Twenty years
after our decision to hyphenate, I still have mixed feelings about it.
Sometimes, when I tell a new person my last name, I apologetically add, “It
seemed like a good idea at the time. We were very young when we got
married.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But overall, I have felt that
our name suits us so well — it’s complicated, yet balanced — our very own
brand. Hyphenation is our imperfect solution to a difficult question of
identity, custom and why the male’s family name trumps. Each of our children
will need to take their name into adulthood and make their own choices going
forward. And like Bill’s parents before us, Bill and I will trust our children
to follow their hearts as they make their decisions. And that’s a family
tradition we’re proud to carry on. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Annemarie Scobeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17852995783909862950noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5430538756033364349.post-2938469716447806462014-09-17T07:03:00.003-07:002014-09-17T07:03:59.167-07:00Yoga: Lessons from the mat<h1 style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Yoga: Lessons from the mat</span></h1>
<div>
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">March, 2014</span></div>
<h1 style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></h1>
<h1 style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">When I was a little girl, I
failed beginning gymnastics three times. I loved the idea of gymnastics—the way
I saw the other girls float in the air doing their flips and handstands. The
problem was I couldn’t get my legs far enough apart to do the straddle roll; I
could not walk across the balance beam; I could not even touch my toes. So
eventually, when I was about a head taller than any others in the beginner
class, I stopped going. <o:p></o:p></span></h1>
<h1 style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>In
high school, I found a sport that required neither flexibility nor upper arm
strength—distance running. My too-long legs served me well and my non-muscular
frame was actually very light to carry around for any given distance, providing
me with an advantage in terms of endurance. No one asked me to touch my toes as
I passed them in the final mile. My competitive running career ended in college,
and recreational running took its place. For the past twenty years, aside from
an occasional pick-up volleyball game or a bike ride, running is the only
exercise I have done. Running is free and convenient, and I had never given
thought to augmenting my almost-daily run with another form of exercise. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></h1>
<h1 style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Until
now. As part of an uncharacteristic New Year’s resolution, I decided to join a
yoga class held over the lunch hour at my workplace. Yoga, I read, had similar
benefits to meditation in terms of producing inner strength and peace. By the
end of 2014, three of my four children will be teenagers. I decided that this
year, I would need all the inner strength and peace available to me. <o:p></o:p></span></h1>
<h1 style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>So,
dressed in my running shoes, tights and a free t-shirt from a local fun run, I
arrived at my first yoga class. The instructor played soft, soothing music as
everyone sat serene, barefoot and cross-legged on his or her mats. I suddenly
realized that yoga is done without shoes. Struggling to sit cross-legged, with
my knees closer to my ears than to the mat, I had a sudden flashback to my childhood
days of failed gymnastics. As my colleagues breathed deeply around me, I concentrated
on not rearranging my burning legs and wondered when we would move onto
something easier. <o:p></o:p></span></h1>
<h1 style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
rest of the class was a series of impossible poses. While the employees in the
class had differing levels of bendability, strength and skill, each one of them
could do a version of the demonstrated pose. Except me. With a mixture of embarrassment
and horror, I realized I could not do even the most basic yoga pose properly.
The more complicated poses looked to me like something out of Cirque du Soleil.
I was so much more noticeably inflexible than anyone else in the class that the
teacher approached as I was straining toward my toes, fingertips a foot off the
floor, and whispered to me, “Runners have tight hamstrings. It’s okay.” I had
never told her I was a runner. I wanted to fold up my mat and simply watch the
class and applaud at appropriate times. <o:p></o:p></span></h1>
<h1 style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But
I kept going back to yoga, partly because Karen, a co-worker two cubes down
attended each lunchtime session and would ask me if I was coming with her.
Karen is as flexible as a warm soft pretzel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When she bends over in the triangle pose, her hair grazes the mat. My own
triangle pose looks more like a rhombus. <o:p></o:p></span></h1>
<h1 style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>As
I showed up for yoga every other day, it got a little better. Not because I
could do any of the poses, but because the instructor recognized that I was a
special needs yoga person and began to bring me props—like a foam brick to put
under my bottom while we did “Pigeon” or a long strap to attach to my feet and
hold onto while we rocked on our backs in what they called “Happy Baby,” but
felt to me more like “Cranky Toddler.” <o:p></o:p></span></h1>
<h1 style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>At
home, my family delighted in my stories of my challenging yoga classes. I would
explain a terribly complicated pose, and Jamie and Teenasia, ages 10 and 12,
would immediately enter the pose on our kitchen floor and hold it for a minute
before collapsing in giggles that I could not do it. Liam, 15, who inherited my
non-flexibility, was more sympathetic, and suggested I just stick to running. <o:p></o:p></span></h1>
<h1 style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But
even as I measure my improvements in yoga in millimeters and nanoseconds, yoga
is bringing me a gift that I had not expected. I am realizing, as I show up to
yoga class, that yoga is making me more compassionate towards my children and
their individual struggles. Childhood is a series of new and sometimes
seemingly impossible tasks. From sitting still in church to complex word problems
in math to managing emotions at home, each day Bill and I expect our children
to try their best at tasks that may not come naturally. How often do we expect
the same of ourselves? Adulthood brings the luxury of choosing comfort over challenge.
I stay with my job because I’m successful at it; my home life and activities
outside of work are usually within my reach. Yoga is different. Tipping over in
the “Tree” pose as the rest of my classmates stand motionless reminds me that
this may be how my daughter feels when she’s unable to do something than most
kids consider simple. Yoga has made it possible for me to be kinder to my children
when they flounder. <o:p></o:p></span></h1>
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<h1 style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>So,
for now at least, I’m continuing my yoga classes. I’m awkward and stiff and not
graceful at all. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>During the class I feel
frustrated and wonder when it will be over. I’m doing something new and
different and it’s so difficult. And I’m so thankful. <o:p></o:p></span></h1>
Annemarie Scobeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17852995783909862950noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5430538756033364349.post-66693120652611308912014-09-17T07:02:00.002-07:002018-10-07T13:42:06.920-07:00Pope Francis thoughts<br />
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">On a camping trip this past
summer, I was sitting around the fire with some friends after the kids had gone
to bed, and someone brought up how different regions of the United States have
their own culture and personality. I commented that even though I had lived in
Milwaukee almost my whole life, I didn’t think there was anything about me that
was especially Midwestern. This caused my friend Frank, who was born and raised
in Texas, went to Georgetown for college, lived out East and then moved to
Wisconsin, to burst out laughing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“You are so incredibly Midwestern, you have no idea,” he
said. “Everything about you is Midwestern. We could drop you anywhere in the
U.S. and within 15 minutes, anyone who has traveled to any degree at all would
identify you as Midwestern.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>When I pressed him about what made me so obviously Midwestern,
Frank said it wasn’t one thing—it was a thousand subtle things— from my make-up
(or lack there of), to my values, to how I dressed, to what I cooked, to what I
chose to talk about. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“It’s not bad that you’re easy to identify,” Frank
finally said, no doubt exhausted from all my questions and unable to find a
polite way to tell me I was not nearly as sophisticated as I fancied myself.
“We’re all products of our culture.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Webster Merriman
defines culture as </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="background: #e8ecf5; color: black; font-family: "arial";">a way of thinking, behaving, or working that exists in a
place or organization</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">. </span></i><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I am recognizably
Midwestern (as I have come to accept), am I also perceptibly Catholic? What
does it mean to think, behave or work as a Catholic so much that you are
recognized as such? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Within the organization of the Catholic Church, those who
have positions of leadership define what it means to be culturally Catholic — what
it means to <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>think, behave and work as a
Catholic. Those of us who sit in the pews or whose children attend Catholic
schools absorb the messages of the leadership — sometimes without even
realizing it — and think, behave and work accordingly. The baby boomer jokes
about “Catholic guilt” came from a pre-Vatican II Catholic cultural emphasis on
sin. Today’s Gen X and Y Catholics, now in our 30s and 40s don’t carry the same
type of Catholic guilt that our parents do. By the time we came along, Catholic
leadership had changed direction, giving less emphasis to sin, and more to
community, reconciliation and peace. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Pope Francis’ focus on the poor is defining our current Catholic
culture, pulling us rightfully back to our roots — to Jesus, who said nothing
about Canon law or establishment of a church hierarchy, and everything about
loving our neighbor and helping the marginalized. Pope Francis, by repeatedly
speaking of service to the poor; of more equal redistribution of wealth; of the
protection of the most vulnerable, is defining the culture of Catholicism. To
be Catholic, Pope Francis says with both his words and his actions, is to allow
our faith to propel us to serve those who are in need. “L</span><span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial";">et us never forget that authentic power is service,” he said
in one of his first homilies as Pope, “and that the Pope too, when exercising
power, must enter ever more fully into that service which has its radiant
culmination on the Cross.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Just
four months into his papacy, Pope Francis was dubbed the “slum Pope” for his
work with the poor and a visit to the shanty towns in Rio de Janeiro. On World
Youth Day, he urged young Catholics to make a “mess” of their dioceses by
taking their faith to the streets. "I want to see the church get closer to
the people. I want to get rid of clericalism, the mundane, this closing ourselves
off within ourselves, in our parishes, schools or structures. Because these
need to get out!" Pope Francis said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>As
Pope Francis outlines what it means for us to be Catholic; as he calls us back
to our most basic mission of joyful service to the poor, I pray that our
cardinals, our bishops, our priests, our sisters, our parish council members
and all Catholic leaders will understand and absorb his message and bring it to
their dioceses and parishes; to their Catholic schools and institutions. Culture
change within any organization begins at the top, but in order for the world’s
1.18 billion Catholics to lift up the poor, give voice to the voiceless and
truly build the kingdom as Jesus intends, we are going to need our local
Catholic leaders to cascade the Pope’s message—through both words and action. As
bright and beautiful as this Pope is, he cannot help the poor alone— and he
needs us to understand that it is not he who is calling us to change the
culture of our church. It is Christ. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Annemarie Scobeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17852995783909862950noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5430538756033364349.post-78070931499586427112014-09-17T07:01:00.001-07:002014-09-17T07:04:36.319-07:00I love my iPhone: That's why you can't have oneI love my iPhone. That's why you can't have one.<br />
November, 2013<br />
<br />
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I love my iPhone. I love the ping of an incoming e-mail and
the double ping of an incoming text. I love how it keeps me in relationship
with two of my friends who each live 100 miles away. I love how it’s allowed me
to answer questions from work while laying on the beach and field questions
from our kitchen while I am finishing up at work. I love how I can take photos
and quickly send them to grandparents, friends or Jacob, away at college. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My phone keeps me closely connected to all the
people who matter most to me. I rarely go anywhere without my smart phone. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>And my
strong positive feelings about my phone are precisely why neither of my
daughters—ages 10 and 12—will get a phone anytime soon. My strong positive feelings
are why my two sons—ages 15 and 18—had to wait until eighth grade and freshman
year of high school respectively, to get their own non-smart, no keyboard flip
phone. They had to wait even longer for Facebook accounts. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Managing my
phone has little to do with managing technology and everything to do with
managing relationships. I treasure my relationships, and I know this is why I
have such fond feelings for my phone. It’s like carrying all the people I love (plus
those I work with) around in my purse and having access to them all the time. I
have no doubt my girls would feel similarly attached to their phones, if they
had them. But Bill and I believe that for children in grade school, primary
relationship efforts need to go toward family members, not friends. Our daughters
need to build a strong connection first and foremost with my husband and me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our voices and values need to be loud and
clear now because our time at center stage is limited—high school brings with
it less time with the family and more time with friends, and more potential to
move away from what we’ve spent all childhood teaching. Every minute texting a
friend is a minute not spent being present to the people in the home. We’ve got
about thirty months with Teenasia and fifty-four with Jamie to help them become
so deeply the girls that God means for them to be that they will be strong
enough to hold to their true selves, even in the face of high school peer
pressure. I am happy to share these final months before the teen years with my
girls’ friends—through playdates, activities, sports and church. But we will
not give our girls away to unsupervised time of texting or online social
networks. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>A phone
that allows instant and constant access to friends and acquaintances requires
the phone’s owner to have both wisdom and self-discipline, neither of which
exactly run rampant among the grade school set. For middle-school girls, gossip
is a constant lure as children jockey for social position within a class. I was
a middle school girl once myself, and I still remember my horror when my
seventh grade teacher intercepted a snarky note I tossed to my friend about
another girl. I am still embarrassed about my unkind words about that girl and
am thankful that the teacher ripped up the note, so that the girl would never
know what I said about her. But a note from a 12-year-old today, written not on
a scrap of paper, but texted impulsively, could be repeatedly forwarded and
cause hurt beyond anything that was possible before. Our girls need to be
protected from themselves. They do not need any device that makes it even
easier to compare themselves with others; to gossip; to move up or down in the
social hierarchy of the class. Girls will find enough ways to do this on their
own. They do not need a phone more advanced than the computers that took men to
the moon to help them with their clique-development. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>In a
friend’s daughter’s sixth grade class last year, Instagram was all the rage.
Instagram describes itself as “A fast, beautiful, fun way to share photos with
family and friends.” But boys in the class were using it to send inappropriate
photos and girls were using it to take pictures of gatherings where other girls
weren’t invited. The parents eventually found out and most took the app away
from their children’s phones, but the damage had been done. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Studies
show that both adults and children will say things online or in texts that they
would not have the courage to say out loud, in person. In an article in the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wall Street Journal,</i> <span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Sherry Turkle, a psychologist and Massachusetts Institute of
Technology professor, explains it this way: “We're less inhibited online
because we don't have to see the reaction of the person we're addressing.
Because it's harder to see and focus on what we have in common, we tend to
dehumanize each other.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>We
are in our infancy as a society in learning how to manage advancing personal
technology. Just as it took numerous fatal automobile accidents in the early
twentieth century before society caught on that drivers should need to go
through a licensing process, and even longer before sixteen was chosen as the
minimum age to drive, so it will be with today’s children, phones and online access.
As a society, we will likely need to live through a generation of children
damaged by texting and risky online behavior before we understand the true
danger. Perhaps when this generation of children grows up, they will look back
on 2013 and say to their own children. “Can you imagine—I grew up back when
parents still gave phones to 10-year-olds?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
parents holding out now will be shown to have been ahead of our time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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Annemarie Scobeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17852995783909862950noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5430538756033364349.post-13381737582156603342014-09-17T06:58:00.002-07:002014-09-17T07:04:50.901-07:00Who is my child meant to be? <div class="MsoNormal">
Who is my child meant to be? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
October, 2013<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Saint
Catherine of Siena. Our Toyota minivan has an extra “n” and on our busiest
days, I could be known as Annemarie of Sienna. (Notice I did not include the
title of “Saint” before my name. On our busiest days, few would describe me as
saintly.) But I admired St. Catherine of Siena long before I needed three rows
of seats to transport our family. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>St.
Catherine of Siena said, “Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world
on fire.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Those words
resonate so strongly for parents, I’m not surprised they named a minivan after St.
Catherine. Our family has a huge dry erase calendar on our kitchen wall and
each day of the month has a large square. From dentist appointments to birthday
parties to soccer practice, the calendar shows what’s going on in our kids’
lives. That calendar symbolizes for me the paradox of parenting: On the
surface, we seem to have a thousand things to do for our kids—find the cleats,
wash the uniforms, drive to practice, supervise homework, make dinner—yet at
the same time, all of what is required of us is summed up by St. Catherine. Our
main job is to help our children become who God means for them to be. We need
to help them become aware of their own souls; see the truth of who they are and
the gifts they have. We need to lead them out to the greater world, so thirsty
for people living lives that God intends. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
complicated truth is that we need to help our children become the people they
were created to be while we are finding the cleats and driving them to soccer
practice. We need to help them discover their call and their true identity
while we are quizzing them on spelling words and reminding them to clean under
their beds. And as much as we may wish God would just descend on our family
dinner and announce the plan for every family member as we pass the mashed
potatoes, that is not God’s way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Helping a
child become the person that God intends often involves structuring a child’s
world in a way that limits outside interference. A friend recently told me that
after her daughter received a few low test grades as a freshman in high school,
she and her husband decided to take the cell phone away after 9 p.m. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“It wasn’t so much a punishment as it was an
understanding that it was impossible for her to concentrate with all the texts
coming in,” my friend said. St. Catherine might have said it like this: “The
texts are preventing your daughter from being the student God means for her to
be.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>For many
parents, the struggle with technology and children is constant—Facebook allows
friends (and non-friends posing as friends) to visit our children any time of
the day or night. Gaming wreaks havoc on many families as children neglect
school work and time outside in pursuit of another win and a higher score.
Gossipy texting and inappropriate photos can turn a mundane night of homework
into an evening of hurt and heartache. Kids and adults alike stand ready to convince
our children to become what may be profitable or convenient, rather than the
people God means for them to be. The thinking parent’s role in this new
technological world is a cross between IT director and guard dog. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The church
calls parents “co-creators with God” of their children. From this vantage
point, we can see more clearly than others the pieces of our children that can
stand in the way of their ability to become the people God means for them to
be. One of my children struggles with stubbornness; another with impulsivity;
one is working on becoming more honest; and one wishes to be more decisive. I
know I am called to hold my children accountable and help them move past their
struggles and do their best, yet I am also aware that children are fragile, and
if I push too hard for improvement, I risk causing a collapse of progress we’ve
made. I want nothing more than for my children to grow up and set the world on
fire. I want nothing more than for them to be the people God means for them to
be. My constant prayer is that Bill and I figure out how to work with God to
make this happen. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Eighteen
years into my parenting journey, Catherine of Siena’s words call to me some
days; haunt me on others: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Be who God
meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.</i> Parenting carries the
privilege and the burden of helping to shape the life of another. It can be so
difficult to see the right path, to find the right balance, to say the right
words. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I’m praying
in the minivan. <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Annemarie Scobeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17852995783909862950noreply@blogger.com0