For most of their
lives, our children will not live with us. If they take the same path Bill and
I did, they will fly the coop for college at 18, returning only for summer and
winter breaks until they graduate and have their own places. For most of their
lives, our children will see their roommates, friends, co-workers, and
eventually, their own families, far more hours each week than they will see us.
And while I hope that they will call their dad and me when they’re in a tight
spot or need help working through a problem, I know that it’s more likely that
first, they will turn to each other and their friends.
But
we have them for now.
At
10, 6 and 1, our children still see Bill and me as the center of their
universe. And we are by no means unique in our high status. Studies repeatedly
show that without exception, children look first to their parents as role
models.
Yet, looking
around me, I am amazed at how willing many parents are to share the stage — to
allow their young children’s values to be shaped and shifted by strangers who
do not have their children’s best interest in mind. In pockets around me, I see
parents too willing to share their precious time that center-of-the-universe spot
with the TV, movie theater, computer, GameBoy and MP3 player.
Parents who wouldn’t think of skipping a
babysitter’s reference check have no problem leaving their kids alone with The
Bachelor. Parents who hope their children will wait until marriage — or at
least adulthood — for sex, nevertheless allow their young children to see
sexually suggestive movies and listen to explicit songs. Parents who downplay
materialism themselves, yet invite clothes companies and car companies to come
into their family room and make a pitch to their children.
It’s
not that I think these parents are bad or purposefully abusive as they expose
their children to a radically different value system than that of the Gospel.
Instead, I think they have been swindled just as their children are being
swindled. They have been convinced that if you can’t speak the language of pop
culture, you’ll be left behind. These parents may even believe that media
executives are looking out for their children — that a program or commercial can’t
be that bad if it’s allowed to be shown during a time slot when kids are
watching. Their gut may say not to let their 9-year-old see the PG-13 movie
with her friends, but they override their conscience with an exception — just
this once. And in doing so, they sell their children’s childhoods, bit by bit.
Maybe
it’s the teacher in me that understands that consistency needs to drive all
decisions we make with our children. As an adult, I can see the occasional
raunchy movie or watch an eye-candy reality show without it shaping who I am,
but that’s because my value system is already set. A child, repeatedly exposed to advertising,
casual sex, materialism and back-talk in the media will need to try some of
them on for size. Parents and teachers’ values are suddenly weighed against the
glossy and glamorous world of primetime.
I
know I can’t protect my kids forever, but they’re all mine right now. And it’s
my responsibility to keep them true to their chronological age. Limiting TV and
media exposure is one of the easiest things I can do to make sure they stay
young. Six-year-olds and ten-year-olds have no need to be repeatedly told by
anyone what brand of shoes to buy. They have no need to see sit-coms where
everyone sleeps together by the third date or reality shows with little basis
in reality. They don’t even need to hear the flippant back-talk and sassiness
of the average cartoon. What they need is for Bill and me to stand guard of our
home — to monitor the words and images they are exposed to through the
media.
Our children need
for Bill and me to protect our place at the center of their universe, for in
protecting that place, we protect them.
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