Spring is in the air.
. .and baseball, track, tennis, Confirmation, prom.
For three hours of one day last week, we had only one car.
The minivan’s tire blew, and it was in the shop during that crucial
after-school time slot when Liam and Teenasia had baseball and soccer practice,
respectively, on opposite ends of two neighboring suburbs. Jacob would need to
be picked up from his tennis match across town, and Jamie would need to be
dropped off at her Irish dance lesson, a few blocks away. With two cars, the
routine was complicated, but possible. With one car, we needed to start thinking
about calling friends for driving favors, or including into our routine the
free shuttle provided by the repair shop.
If you looked at any one of our four children, you would not
say he or she was overprogrammed. In addition to school, each child has one or
two outside activities. For each individual child, the schedule is manageable.
The complication is in the multiples. One family I know, also with four kids, had
one weekend with eleven games.
Parents’
responses to the heightened level of organized sports and activities for
children are varied. Some parents embrace the opportunities their children
have— feeling there is little downside to the competition, fun and talent
development. Other parents approach their kids’ activity level more cautiously,
wary of injuries and burnout that can happen when kids do too much too soon.
Most parents are looking for that sweet spot of balance— finding the activities
that engage their children without sacrificing the pleasure that can come from
having unstructured time as a family.
Some
experienced parents admit they got out of the blocks too fast with their first
child, not recognizing how long they had for organized activities. Maureen,
mother of five ranging from toddler to teen, said: “Early in my parenting career I felt
pressure to get my young children involved in everything. I felt as if my kids
would be socially awkward if I deprived them of activities. Several kids later,
by the grace of God, I have wised up and learned that overdoing activities
wreaks havoc on good families and makes everyone feel crazy.’ Our current
family rule is one activity at a time.” Reginald, father of five children under
ten, believes that young children first and foremost need time with parents.
“My wife and I only have so much time to try and parent
everyone while they are in the young ages,” he said. “Running them around takes
us away from face-to-face time. I heard a speaker say that every kid needs a
small town. And I think that as parents and a family, we are their first and
hopefully strongest small town. I hope to develop other small towns for
them—through more activities-- when they
are older.”
My friend
Denise, who has four children ages four to 11, told me that she and her husband
Arthur take this view: “We may make a mistake and may miss signing them up for something
for which they have a real talent. We are not going to stress over
this. We believe God is generous and gives us more talents and
gifts than we can ever really use.” Denise’s comment of God giving us an abundance
of talents is a thought I return to when I consider our daughter Teenasia, who
so far, has shown talent at every sport she has tried. While our boys are
decent athletes, they are not gifted in the same way Teenasia is, and Bill and
I are learning that Teenasia will likely need to leave some of her potential on
the table as we together make choices about what sports to pursue seriously as
she gets older.
Other
friends, John and Anne, parents of four, have told us they look to their faith
for guidance. “We weigh the value of activities. We try to discern what God’s will is for our
time and talent – who is served by what we do,” said Anne.
Parents of middle schoolers and teens who have successfully
shepherded their children through the plethora of activity options say they
have needed to keep an eye on their child’s physical, emotional and mental
health. Sports medicine doctors are reporting that sports injuries that once
were only common in serious college athletes are now seen at the middle- and
high school levels. Teens who have given their childhood to a club sport can
feel an unhealthy sense of obligation to continue the sport beyond the point
that it is enjoyable to them. “We have watched as
friends have chosen a state cup soccer game over a graduation and we have not
agreed with those choices,” said Pam, mother of two teen girls. “I think
parents get so flattered and caught up when their child gets to a high level
team that they accept Sunday morning games, tremendous expenses and family
stress to maintain that status. Our place of peace has come from
questioning ‘at what price?’”
Talking to parents on the sidelines of tennis,
soccer, baseball, Irish dance, and track this spring, I have come to the
conclusion that there’s no easy answer in determining what level of activity
and competition fits a family. The key seems to be in parents holding a sense
of intentionality regarding the choice—to have a well-thought out reason for
either choosing or not choosing a particular activity. The parents who seemed
the most satisfied with their children’s activities were the ones who had spent
some time thinking and discussing the reasons they were choosing a particular
activity. And when to do all this thinking and discerning? Well, to me, a
folding camp chair on the sidelines of a game on a sunny day, seems as good of
a spot as any.
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